


For Madi

by paleplatano



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, F/M, If ya'll don't likey ya'll can fucking fite me, Raven and Jackson are siblings in this story because i want them to be, same as Lincoln and Luna, slightly inspired by the show Life Sentence because reasons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-06-12 22:04:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleplatano/pseuds/paleplatano
Summary: This isn't how she imagined her life would be. One moment she was sobbing, venting to her hometown best friend about her boyfriend breaking up with her and the next, she's ripping said friend's clothes off.Over a decade and four breakups later, he pops the question. She was going to say no. Of course she was going to say no, but then she saw her daughter. The hopeful gleam in her eyes was what ultimately made her agree. What she hadn't noticed was Lexa's shaky smile and rigid posture. All Clarke knew was that when looked for her she was no longer there. It's when it all sunk in.This is a Bellarke Wedding fic but Clexa love story. Featuring Bridezilla Clarke and maid of honor Lexa. "What could go wrong?" You may ask? Everything!!





	1. What The Hell Have I Done

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! Thanks for giving this a shot. It's the first time I've written in a while and the first time I use this platform so bear with me. I also talk a lot so if you don't like that literally just never look at the notes unless stuff is capitalized since only that will be important. Otherwise carry on lovelies.

If you were to ask Clarke how she got here, she wouldn't even be able to tell you. Nothing in her life went according to plan but she always took it with a grain of salt. She thought she could handle anything, and in a way she had. Being a teen mom never was her plan though she barely made the cut. Bellamy had taken full responsibility, faced the wrath of her parents and worst, her best friend. Lexa merely beat the shit out of him, but that’s a story for another day. Let’s get moving on to the good stuff.

There’s a loud knock on the door wakes Lexa up from her impromptu nap on the couch. She hadn’t noticed she had fallen asleep. Slowly arising, she checks the time and sees its just passed noon. Opening the door, she blinks a couple times, addressing Clarke’s appearance. “Clarke?”

“Can I come in?” She begs.

“Yeah, ‘course.” Lexa mumbles out, rubbing her eyes as she’s still sleepy.

“You cannot believe the day I’ve had at the clinic.” She huffs. She starts complaining about her day but Lexa could barely follow. She slowly starts to follow along as she sees Clarke’s flailing arms as she points to the huge stain all over her baby blue scrubs.

“And after all that screaming and yelling, both my mother and Niylah and manage to squeeze her in but she would have to wait for about two hours. Not only that but my mother decides to pull me aside and yell at me for not handling things the right way even though I had done everything in my own power to calm that crazy lady. I was already mad so I probably got a bit too loud at her and she said she wouldn’t tolerate that kind of attitude from me at the office and kicked me out. Right on my way out of the office that same crazy lady bumps into me and drops her whole green veggie drink on me!” She 

“Hey,” Lexa says softly, halting her movements with one soft caress to her cheek. “You don’t have to explain yourself. Not to me. You’re free to come over whenever. You know that.” She offers, giving her a tight lipped smile. 

“I know but sometimes I feel like I’m taking advantage, like right now! I know you worked late and I still came here, probably interrupting your sleep just to hear about my problems but I knew I couldn’t go home because I know Madi will be home from school soon so it would mean having to help out with homework and cooking dinner and-”

“Clarke.” Lexa stops her by swiping the pad on of her thumb across the woman’s cheek. “I know you. You’re not a bad person. You are not a bad mother. You had a bad day at work and are overwhelmed.” Lexa noticed her physically relax at the caress. Although she was still tense with stress, it was an improvement to her previously ramble state. “Do you need to shower?”

“Would you mind?” Her forehead crinkles as she asks. 

Lexa kisses them away while trying to ignore the summersault her stomach does when Clarke leans into her touch. Her lips linger a little longer than those of a best friend should. She finally comes back to her senses and answers Clarke’s question. “Of course not.”

So she leads Clarke to her bedroom and gets her casual lounging clothes. “You know how everything works.” Lexa says, pointing to the ensuite bath. “Just pick out whatever you want from the closet and give me a shout if anything. I’ll be around.” 

Lexa goes down to the kitchen to make some sangrias. She knows those are Clarke’s favorites. She once said something about them having to be slightly nutritional since they’re infused with fruits. She made some popcorn as well to accompany the drinks. She barely makes her way up the stairs and back into her room without spilling any wine. She had a drink in each hand (full to the brim, might I add) while biting the edge of the popcorn bag with her teeth just in time to see Clarke walk back into the room fully dressed while half-drying her hair with a towel. “Wow” She says almost dropping the unopened popcorn bag on the floor in the process. Clarke didn’t hear her though, as to her it just sounded like a strangled noise. She instead, chooses to grab the popcorn from her and set it aside.

“Day-drinking huh? We haven’t done that in forever.” Clarke asks, grabbing a glass and bringing it up to her lips. A small moan escapes her lips as she takes a sip, causing the brunette’s eyes to nearly bulge. “Wow, this is really good. Sweet. But not too much. Just enough.” She concludes. Lexa is yet to speak back so looks at her, questionably. A few moments pass until she finally asks, “What?” while amused by the Lexa’s overt staring.

Lexa grins, regaining her composure. “You look really good in that shirt.”

“It’s just a tank top.” She dismisses, covering her face with her hand.

“But it’s my tank top and you’re wearing it.” Lexa points out. “And you look great in it.” She’s walking towards Clarke, releasing her hand from her face and taking it within her own. “I hate it when you do that: shy away.” She kisses her hand before holding it up, taking a step back and looking Clarke up and down. “You’re beautiful.” She lowers her hand but doesn’t let go, just rests it comfortably at hip level. Looking at Clarke as if she were the most delicate flower she asks, “Does Bellamy not remind you?”

Clarke’s bashful smile drop. She takes a deep, shaky breath as if trying to get the courage to say what she wants. “Can we not talk about Bellamy? Or anything about my hectic life at the moment?” Clarke begs. Something else has been bothering her for a while now but since she had never been quite good in the whole feelings department, she gave a tight lipped smile and nods. “I’m sorry. I just… it’s been an extremely hard week.”

“Hey.” Lexa whispers. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

A small smile forms back on her face. “Thank you. Today had just not gone according to plan and I just really need a hug.”

Lexa settles down her wine glass and awkwardly holds out her arms. Clarke chugs the rest of her wine before settling her own glass down. She sinks into her embrace, sighing in contentedness. She wished they could stay like that all day. That thought alone scared her the most.

“This is nice.” Clarke hummed, leaning into the crook of Lexa’s neck, falling fast asleep.

If only it were the same for Lexa. She tried falling asleep as well but it wouldn’t work. She couldn’t concentrate on sleep with Clarke’s lips periodically grazing her neck. She resorted to going on social media and trying the fiery sensation she had all over. Less than an hour in, her phone rang, surprised to see Bellamy’s name pop up.

“Hello?” Lexa asked, confused.

“Hey Lexa, it’s Bellamy.” He says.

“Hello Bellamy. Are you calling for Clarke?” She says, straight to the point.

“Yes. Is she with you?” He asks.

“Yes. She came after an incident at work.” 

Bellamy sighed. “Yeah, I spoke to Abby earlier. I’m glad she went to you. Now, I’m going to need you to do me a favor. But wait. Is she with you right now?” Lexa looks down at the sleeping woman curled into her side and hums in agreement, not knowing exactly where he was going. 

“Okay, I’m going to make this quick then.” He urges. Lexa notices he’s toned down his voice. “I’m going to need you to take Clarke out.” He confessed. “Things aren’t going quite to schedule as of now. Take her out; buy us some time to set up. Go shopping, do your nails, whatever girls like to do. I’ll pay you back but just… stall.”

“There’s an issue.” Lexa points out. “I’m the one with the key to the VIP area.” 

“Shit, you’re right.” He curses through his line.

“I’d tell Octavia to ask Indra for her copy but she’s visiting family this weekend.” Lexa taps her chin, thinking. “I can go in and stop by, telling Clarke I’m just checking in, and lend Octavia my key.”

“You think Clarke will think something's up?” Bellamy asked.

“That’s quite likely.” Lexa told her. “But there is no other way.”

Bellamy was silent on the line for a bit. “Right…” He sighs. “How soon can you get it to her? I’m picking the Madi up from school in half an hour with all the decorations and meeting up with Niylah there because Aden wants to help so I was thinking-”

She sees Clarke stirring awake so she cuts him off. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She says, and she hangs up.

Clarke pulls away. She’s rubbing her eyes and has a sleepy smile on her face. “How long was I asleep for?”

“Just over half an hour.” Lexa tells her. “Did you sleep good?”

“With a pillow like you, how couldn’t I?” She jokes, adjusting herself, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder once more. “Who were you talking to?” She asks, toying with the edge of Lexa’s shirt. She had always been quite… affectionate when it came to Lexa. They were always touching in some way, shape or form. It use to catch the brunette by surprise although she had gotten quite use to it as time goes by. But this time, with Clarke playing with her shirt, having the tips of her fingernails scratch her abdomen had definitely caught her by surprise. It was to the point in which she hadn’t even heard the other woman’s question. 

“I’m sorry?” She asks, finally looking away from her fingers and back into her eyes.

“Who were you talking to?” She asks, a bit more hoarse.

“There was an issue at one of the bars I need to address. I have to go.”

Clarke pulls back, nodding softly. “Okay, I guess I should grab my things and head home so you can… address the issue.”

“No… no.” Quick. Lexa. Think! She says to herself. “It’s just that someone accidentally got locked in the freezer and I’m the only one with the key to unlock it so I have to stop in but it’ll only be a second.” She lies. “But come with me. We can go out and celebrate right after.”

“Why?” Clarke asks, eyes brightening.

“What? You didn’t think I forgot it was your birthday; did you?” Lexa smirks, nudging Clarke’s hip, and she laughs.

The blondie laughs shyly, hiding her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck again. “I just…” She trails off. “Nobody’s said anything.”

Lexa’s heart breaks. This woman really had no idea what was coming. Sadly, Lexa didn’t know the full extent of it either. “Well… I did.” She points out. “We should do something to celebrate. Just the two of us.”

“But I should go home.” Clarke pouts. “Madi will be home any second and I’m sure she’ll want to hang out or give me a macaroni necklace or something of the sort.” 

“But Clarke! It’s your thirtieth birthday!” Lexa pressures. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” She cringes at the reference of her age.

Lexa huffs, pursing her lips while deep in thought. “What I’m trying to say is don’t you want to do something a little more… dangerous?” She suggests. “How about we just go out, try on a random outfits like we used to when we were in high school and stuff them in our bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on Clarke! Be a little reckless, like we were before. For old times sake?” She pleads. 

Clarke ponders her options, figuring if Bellamy needed her, he’d call. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Lexa cheers. “You won’t regret it.”

\---

Lexa walks through the doors of Trikru Bar and Grill and is promptly greeted with a courteous nod from the hostess. “Welcome Ms. Woods”

“Thank you, Tris. Octavia is working, correct?”

“Um no. You had given her the day off I believe.”  
“Right, right. I had forgotten.” Lexa says, rubbing her forehead. Thinking for a second before taking the single key out of her pocket. “I just… I have a private party scheduled for the VIP section tonight. There are two adults by the names of Bellamy and Niylah. They are accompanied by two children with bags full of decorations. They and they only are to be allowed upstairs until the accorded time of 8 o'clock. Can I count on you to do that?” 

“Of course.” Tris says, solidly. “Niylah and Bellamy. I’ve got it.” 

“Thank you again, Tris. That is all. I have to go but please do not forget.” She says, not hearing the response as she is out the door again.

She goes back to her car, seeing an unbothered sunglass-clad Clarke mindlessly scrolling through social media. 

“That was fast.” Clarke says, barely looking up at her phone as Lexa gets seated. 

“Yeah.” She agrees. “Everything had situated itself out by the time I got here but I still wanted to pop in to make sure everything was going according to plan.” She says a little too fast. Clarke looks up at her, an arched eyebrow showing her disbelief.

“What plan?” Clarke asks curiously.

“I was speaking figuratively, of course.” She’s now laughing nervously. Deciding to quit while she’s ahead, she decides to change the topic. “But it’s been dealt with so now I can dedicate the rest of the evening just to you. Now, tell me birthday girl; what do you want to do?”

\---

To say she was shocked was an understatement. Like, she knew Clarke was attractive, more than most, but when she saw her walk out of that changing room in that skin-tight silver dress, she realized how quite breathtaking the woman truly it. It was in the insecurity in her stance as she tried pulling the dress down to cover her thighs a bit more while trying to hide her ample cleavage would’ve made Lexa laugh. But she couldn’t quite even form a thought of her own as she ogled the woman in front of her.

“So… What do you think?” She treads lightly. When she doesn’t get a response, she starts rambling. “Too short, right? I should’ve known from the display it would be too short. It just looked so pretty on the mannequin that I wanted to try it on but now that I’m wearing it I see how it could be too much. I think I’m going to try another one on.”

And at that, she reacted. “No!” She yelled a little too loud, causing nearby customers to turn their heads. “You are the most attractive person I’ve ever seen.” She’s being honest. She knows she is. That thought alone should have caused her to run out the door but she stood her ground. She didn’t know what that meant in its entirety due to her always hiding from her feelings but anyone close enough to her could see right through it. Because Lexa is never open when it comes to herself. “That dress accentuates all the right parts of you.”

“You really think that?” Clarke asks, her eyes starting to sparkle.

“Yes.” She replies. They were lost in a trance, staring deeply into eachothers eyes until they heard a loud exclaim from the other side of the store.

“DAYUM CLARKE! Those legs look fucking smoking!”

The two woman snapped out of their trance to look for where that voice came from. Soon enough, Raven and Clarke were squealing, rocking side to side as they hugged tight.

“Raven! Oh my God! I didn’t know you were back. When did you come back?” Clarke asks, ecstatic to see her friend back. “Woah, your leg!”

Raven looks down at her leg brace and sighs a little. “I had a little incident with a bullet and they discharged me.”

Clarke put her arm around her friend again, giving the woman another hug. “Rae, I’m so sorry.”

“It is what it is. Not much we can do about it now.” She laughs but you can tell it wasn’t genuine. 

“Have you gone to the doctor since you’ve been back? I’m sure if I talk to my mom she’ll see you right away.”

“I um… actually already have.” Raven says.

“What? How? When? If you were at the clinic I would’ve seen you.” 

“I had given her a call a few weeks back and. She offered to check out my leg, off the record, since I don’t really have insurance.”

“Oh. Well that was nice of her.” Clarke mutters.

“Please don’t be mad at her. If she didn’t say anything it was only because I didn’t want anyone to know. Not until I got better but since that isn’t happening, I guess it would be best I tell people I’m back now.”

“I’m not mad.” Clarke confesses, Raven raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. “I’m serious.” She defends. “I just wished I would’ve know. I could’ve help you.”

“I know. I just really needed to be alone for awhile.” Raven told, Clarke nodded though she didn’t entirely understand why. It was then that the young man accompanying her coughed softly into his fist. “Oh!” She said, getting the hint. “This is,” She struggles, not entirely knowing how to present him to her friend, she’s never really liked labels in the first place.

“Miles Shaw.” He says, extending his hand to greet Clarke.

“Hi Miles, I’m Clarke.” She responds, eagerly shaking his hand. She turns to present Lexa. “This is my best friend, Lexa Woods.” To which the brunette responded with a head nod.

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you.” He smiles brightly, teeth and all.

“Lexa! I almost didn’t recognize you without a baseball cap!” Raven exclaimed, playfully hitting her arm before hugging her tightly. “You look so different!” She’s letting go and playing with her hair. “Your hair is straightened! And ombreed? Tight jeans! Ripped muscles?!” She nearly yells, squeezing Lexa’s left arm which causes her to shakes her head, very amused. Raven lets go soon enough though. “I mean, you still wear a lot of black, do that thing where you tuck in just the front of tee in your pants and your hair stays screaming messy.”

Lexa turns her head to face Clarke. “Messy?” She asks, touching her head.

“Well yeah.” Raven adds. “It screams, messy-but-I-don’t-give-a-fuck and that in itself was quite a stance. No wonder all the chicks thought you were so badass.”

“They did?” Lexa asks. Her memories of high school didn’t seem to agree with what Raven was saying.

“Oh definitely.” The latina continued, smirking at Clarke. “You had quite a couple girls questioning their orientation from what I graduated when you two were just freshman. ”

“Okay!” Clarke feels the heat in her cheeks and desperately feels the need to change the topic of conversation. “So what are you two doing here?”

Miles takes the lead on this one. “Oh, Raven has this-” He is stopped by Raven, pinching as she interrupts.

“Interview. Just a regular, dumb interview.”

“And you’re at Charlotte Russe because…?” Clarke asks, content with how the tables had turned. 

“For heels.” Miles tries helping. Raven eyes him all confused. Through a gritted smile he ask, “Right?”

“Right. Heels.” She says, smiling back at the two women in front of her. “I don’t own any

“How are you going to wear heels when you’ve got a leg brace on?” Clarke goes along, playing dumb.”

“Oh.” Raven and Miles both say at the same time.

“Yeah, you’re totally right. Wow. Brain fart.” She laughs nervously. “I guess I have no reason to be here. Let’s go!” She says, pulling Miles with her as she starts walking away. 

“It was nice to meet you two. See you soon!” He shouts over his shoulder.

“What was that?” Raven whispers, yanking his arm. 

“What? You didn’t tell me she didn’t know?”

“Heels? See you soon? Were you even trying?”

“Well you weren’t a lot of help either! You completely blanked. I was doing my best. You know I’m really bad under pressure!”

“That’s fair.” Raven admits, albeit begrudgingly. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

Clarke giggles, covering her face as she shakes her head. “That was so bad. Makes me wonder what that was about.”

“No clue.” Lexa shrugs, then looks down at Clarke’s dress one more time. “So, you gonna get it?”

“I think I will.”

\---

Clarke groans for the umpteenth time from her side of the counter. She’s been propped up on the corner of Lexa’s bathroom counter, getting ready for over an hour. She’s repeatedly done and redone her eyeliner at least twice at this point. “Why do I suck at eyeliner?” She pouts, sighing in defeat as she puts her eyeliner pencil down. “My hair is curled, my makeup is mostly done but I can’t get this stupid wing right!”

Lexa moves from her original position against the door to walk towards the sink. “You know, I’m not too bad at eyeliner.” She picks up the pencil and looks back at Clarke. “I could help, if you want.”

“Please?”

Lexa smiles as she leans in closer, fitting herself in the small space between Clarke’s legs. It’s the contact that makes Clark suck in a deep breath. They are so close to each other in a non-intentionally intimate way and neither knows how to react. They just look into each other's eyes until it’s suddenly too much for Lexa to bear. She looks down at the pencil and takes its top off again. She doesn’t even notice how shaky her hands are until she realizes she’s dropped the cap.

“Keep your eyes closed and try not to move them.” 

Clarke does as she’s told. She’s closed them and she’s taking slow, shay breaths as she awaits expectectly.

“Okay so I’m pretty good at doing it on myself but I’ve never actually done somebody else’s.” Lexa warns.

“That’s okay. I trust you.” She says with a smile, eyes remaining closed.

“So… you just want me to go for it?” Lexa asks.

“Mhm.” 

And so she does. She works with slow, light strokes as she keeps on going. Trying to make the look buildable. She finally finishes one side and works on the next. She’s momentarily caught off guard by Clarke sucking in her bottom lip.

Lexa can puts her hand down, not realizing she’s rested it on Clarke’s thigh or the way the blondie’s leg twitches when she does. She scans over every little detail on the woman’s face. From her small forehead creases to chin dimple to her jawline and back onto her lips. It’s been years since they’ve been in high school and Lexa still finds her as fascinating as day one.

The lip bite slowly transitions to a smile and that’s when she knows she’s been caught. She quickly does the next one, as evenly and precise as the first. After examining each eye, she tells Clarke. “You can open your eyes now.”

Clarke opens them and quickly turn her torso so she can face the mirror. She nearly squeals as she sees herself. “Wow, Lex. It looks so good! You’ve got to teach me your ways.” She continues staring at herself in the mirror, so much that she fails to see the way Lexa looks at her.

“It’s stunning. You really made me look hot.”

“You are stunning.” Lexa counters. “You’re always hot.”

Clarke leans forward a bit, to the point where their breaths start to mingle. “You think so?”

Lexa’s eyes are now hooded. She tries to look back up at Clarke’s eyes. She tells herself she should but under the intense stare she can just feel Clarke giving her, she knows she can’t. So she closes her eyes, only for a second, and she swallows thickly. “Mhm” She barely mutters out. It’s all she can say. The reigns of her self control are falling out of her grip.

“I think you are too.”

Her head bolts up as she tilts her head, their eyes. She can’t believe those words had just left Clarke’s mouth and she can hardly believe it when their lips lock.

It all happens so fast and Lexa can swear she’s lightheaded from how her head is spinning but there’s no place she’d rather be.

The first feeling Clarke feels is fear. Fear that she messed up. Fear of what this could mean if she didn’t. The next feeling is relief. Relief that she hadn’t misread things. That there was in fact a connection between the two that, through the years, had not broken. The following feeling is a feeling she’d rather not think about because it’s a scary feeling. A feeling in which she had sworn off what feels like forever ago. But then again, the feeling of Lexa’s soft lips against her tongue seems to reminds her a lot of it. 

Clarke pulls at her Lexa’s shirt and she’s a little embarrassed at how quick she is to discard it. Clarke’s eyes remain closed as she feels the lips soon return to her own. She’s touching, feeling, wanting more. So much that she’s absolutely dripping by the time Lexa’s hand just inches up her thigh. Adrenaline is flowing through her veins and lust clouding her brain. She feels the need of release starting to build when she arches her back in her first moan. “Fuck, Lexa.”

And just then, Clarke’s sandal drops on the floor, making a loud noise. It startles the women as they pull apart abruptly, their lips making an audible pop sound.

They both freeze. All feelings are lost and replaced by just one. Fear. They look into each others eyes at the panic begins to seep towards the surface. Lexa is the first to break.

“Well. The makeups all done. You may want to redo the lipstick. I’ll… leave you to it.” Lexa rambles as she makes her way out of the bathroom, losing it with a slam.

Lexa sits down on the edge of her bed to process things when she sees her phone lighting up due to an incoming call on her nightstand. “Hello?” 

“Lexa.” Bellamy sighs. “We’ve all been trying to get a hold of you. I was about to call Clarke just to make sure she was okay.”

“Yes. She’s fine we just got… a little caught up. I didn’t have my phone on hand.” She answered, feeling the guilt seep as she talks to the boyfriend of the woman she just kissed. Trying to ignore her feelings, she goes on with the conversation.“Is everything set for her arrival?”

“That’s why I’m calling.” Bellamy sassed. “Everyone we were expecting is either here or not coming. People are starting to ask when Clarke’s suppose to come and when you haven’t answered me for the past half-hour, it’s hard to answer.”

“We’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Lexa tells him and hangs up.

\---

“Surprise!” Everyone screams. 

The lights get turned on and Clarke can’t say she’s shocked but she doesn’t need to pretend. The lights are dim but shine perfectly on all the decorations, in the colors red, black, and silver. Madi is the first to come up to her, pulling her into a hug. 

“Happy birthday, mom.” She squeezes tight as she looks up to her, adoringly. 

“Happy birthday, Clarke.” Aden follows up right after. “I hope you like the decorations. Blowing up the balloons were a lot of work.”

Clarke ruffles his hair, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

She sees Bellamy walk towards her with his arms wide open. 

“Thank you.” She tells her, to which Lexa gives a tight lipped smile and a nod. 

Bellamy speaks to her which ultimately makes her take her eyes off Lexa. “Do you like it?”

“Of course I do. It’s all so amazing... but you really didn’t have to. ” She says softly, tangling a hand into his hair.

“Anything for you, princess.” He grins, moving in for a kiss to which she responds. He picks her up to twirl her around in a circle to which she gives a surprised squeak. The people surrounding them in the room start to cheer. Her cheeks are red in embarrassment by the time her puts her down. He looks deep into her eyes before turning his attention back to the group around them.

“You are all probably under the impression that you’re here to celebrate Clarke’s thirtieth birthday.” He starts, trying to shake off his nerves as he puts on an even brighter smile. “And although that it true, we are here to celebrate one more thing.”

He looks back into her eyes, feeling all nerves set at bay as he grabs her hand and she squeezes it. He can sense her unease as her pregnant asking glare tries to read him, tries to understand where he is going with that last statement. 

“Clarke Griffin,” He starts, “You’ve given me the most precious gift I could have possibly asked for. We have a beautiful family. A beautiful daughter.” He looks over at their eleven year old daughter who’s giving him the most cheery smile. It’s what gives him the last boost of courage he didn’t know he needed. He winks at the kid then looks back to Clarke. “You are my beautiful girlfriend, whom I love, but I don’t want you to be that anymore.”

There are a couple of gasps heard around the room. Slowly but surely, people are starting to catch on to where Bellamy is going with his speech. Practically everyone knows. Including our very lovable but slightly dense girl: Lexa. All but our slightly denser girl: Clarke.

He goes down on his knee, and there’s a silent roar of emotion. John Murphy is whoo-ing. Jasper, Monty, and Harper are all crying while Maya rolls her eyes at them. Abigail is holding her breath while her husband Kane holds her, barely able to contain his excitement. All silently awaiting the next few words.

“I want you to be my beautiful wife.” He’s on his knees quicker than she can even notice. Hand in pocket, retrieving the ring. 

“What do you say, princess? Ready to be my queen?” His smile is radiating but it starts to falter. It’s the nerves starting to kick in again. “Will you marry me?”

She is shocked to say the least. She can feel everyone’s eyes on her, expecting her to respond. And she knows she should. She should say no. No, because she doesn’t love him the way he deserves to be loved. No, because she just made out with her female best friend and that alone is enough to give her a headache. 

She doesn’t. She can’t. Not when her only child is looking at her, jumping up and down in excitement, unable to contain the joy of having her dream come true. She couldn’t dare try to take that happiness away from her. Not when it was a look she rarely saw on her daughter’s face anymore.

So she musters up her best acting face, and with all the pep she could find within her broken soul, she shouts, “I do.”

Bellamy throws a fist in the air, then puts the ring on her. They kiss once more before they’re pulled apart by a series of hugs and congratulations. It isn’t until her mother says, “Oh honey,” and pats her head, that she realizes she's crying. “What a wonderful feeling it must be getting engaged to the man you love.” She faintly hears her, her mind too distracted to fully process those words. Her only focus is one thing. 

She searches for Lexa. She doesn’t know why, but among the giant group of friends and family surrounding her, congratulating her on what possibly was the worst decision in her life, she longed for Lexa. But she was long gone. A worried Anya following suit. 

She looks over at Bellamy, carrying their daughter up on his shoulder as his uncle, sister, and cousin congratulate him. She realizes she should be happy. That she should want this. But she doesn’t. And all she can this is; What the hell have I done.


	2. Mercedes' Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke barely speak this chapter but they speak just enough to know there they'll be okay. We meet and hear a little more about some crossover characters Mercedes and Kim from Fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I want to apologize for this upload being late. I've been binge watching tv and crying over Mamma Mia 2's ending. So I just wanna let you all (aka the 6 people commenting) that this mostly a filler chapter for the chapter that is to come. I was writing and everything started getting too long and before I knew it it's Wednesday and I haven't posted anything so I'm dividing the chapter cus it's wayy too long as is. 
> 
> So without further ado, here it is my loves

Niylah was a good friend. Being one of the oldest, but most importantly, responsible people in their friend group, she was pretty much labelled as the mom of the group. It was very much fine with her. She was use to being the nurturing type, being a mother of two and foster parent to three more, she was use to it. Niylah was always happy to help. She felt a sense of satisfaction being able to help others, especially those whom she cares about, since she was a child. That being said, not everyone seemed to appreciate the… unexpected predicaments being the mom friend could put you in. Or maybe it’s just one person: Scarlett. It was the wives argued about that night after Clarke left. 

Niylah walks through the door carrying grocery bags when she sees her wife awkwardly patting Clarke's back. "Clarke?" She says. "Are you alright?"

It breaks her heart to see the woman before her cowering into her hands. She shook her head as she sobbed into them. Niylah looks at her wife as if to see if she could give her any background knowledge as to why her friend was crying on their couch but Scarlett just shrugs. She looks down at her hands and signals her to come help. 

“We got it.” Scarlett says, motioning for Lucas and Noah to join her as she takes the groceries from her wife’s arms into the kitchen. “You just… handle this.” She points to a very sickly looking Clarke on their couch. Niylah sighs, and sits right down next to her. She puts a hand on Clarke’s thigh, opening up her hand for the woman to take it. She hands her a tissue from their coffee table with her other hand and says, “How can I help.”

Clarke lets out a frustrated yelp. She wished she could articulate her thoughts. She wished she could just know how to handle her pain but she didn’t. All she knew was the pain. “I wish you could.”

Niylah looks down at her friend. Her eyes furrow, the worry lines making themselves known. She purses her lips together as she wraps her arms around her friend, knowing the best she could do would be to simply be there.

Lexa wasn’t doing much better.

“Lexa, I need help with something.” Callie tried, knocking on the door to see if her roommate would open the door. She heard her groan from the other side of the door.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you can handle it yourself.” Lexa replies groggily. 

“No. I’m sorry. I really need your help.” Callie tried again. She waits a bit but there is no response. “”I know you can hear me.” 

“I’m trying to sleep!” She shouts.

Callie looks back at Anya apologetically. Anya squeezes her hand in a fist before knocking herself. “It’s ten in the morning. You have to be at the airport by 1. Get up.”

“It’s not your concern.” Lexa says in a sing-song voice. “Go away!” 

“Alexandra, cut the crap and get your ass out here.” Kim says in her stern, motherly tone knowing that will get a reaction out of her.

“Mom!?” 

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” She warns. 

They hear shuffling from the other side of the door. Callie internally cheers but her smile eminently stops as soon as the door opens. Lexa yanks it open with great force. She passed through the threshold and closes it, staring defiantly at her mother as she folds her hands together in front of her. “There.” She says, clenching her jaw as she waits expectantly for someone to speak. There’s a pregnant pause where no one speaks and Lexa looks down at her hands, looks at her nails, then looks right back at her mother. She shrugs, putting her hand back on the handle when Callie stops her.

“Lexa, please stop.” She begs, resting her hand on top of her roommate and friend’s to which she yanks it back. “We were just worried about you.”

“Oh I am not talking to the person who called MY MOTHER of all people.” Callie flinches back, not expecting Lexa to raise her voice.

“Excuse me?” Kim ask, scoffing.

“It was me.” Anya confessed. Lexa shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I tried getting ahold of you but you wouldn’t answer your phone. I came here to see you twice this week and you didn’t open the front door. I called your roommate to see if you had at least left the apartment only to be told you hadn’t left your room since the party. It’s been a week. 

“Six days.” She corrects.

“Whatever!” Anya exclaims, feeling herself get progressively annoyed with her step-sister. “I was worried about you and you wouldn’t talk to me.” She restates, trying to get to her point. “What would you have done?”

Lexa nods, taking a deep breath, her nose flares as she looks down. “Okay, yes. I understand that part but you called my mom.” She emphasizes. 

“I am right here.” Kim says, but no one seemed to pay attention.

“You aren’t talking to anyone and I don’t for sure know what’s wrong.” Anya tries. “I think I may have an idea as to why…” She stops herself before giving away any information Lexa would actually kill her for exposing. “But…” She thinks, getting back on topic. “I’m sorry if it annoys you that I had to pull the big guns but your girl is going to be here in three hours so you could at the very least try to get your shit together. You owe her that.”

Lexa looks down at her hands, twisting the promise ring Mercedes had gotten her on their one year anniversary. They went out for a dinner in some high-class restaurant in the city. It had been nice, calm evening. She looks back up at Anya and nods before looking back at her ring. She tried to focus on the memory but she couldn’t. Not when she knows Clarke has a ring on her finger that she didn’t put there.

Anya notices the woman’s distant gaze and sighs. She looks over at Kim and nods. She takes it as her queue and she quickly steps into action, pushing her daughter into her room.

“Again, thank you for this.” Anya says, to Callie. “I know this may have put you in an uncomfortable position with Lexa but I’m sure she’ll thank you in the future.”

“No she won’t.” Callie dismisses nonchalantly. “But we were all worried. And I know Mercedes would’ve which is enough for me.”

“Still.” Anya insists. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Callie responds. “Um,” She presses her lips together to form an awkward smile as her voice goes a bit higher than normal. “Do you… maybe want to watch t.v. or something?” She laughs for a split second before continuing. “It’s just… I don’t want to be here for when they rip each others heads off.” She laughs one more time before finishing. “Anything would be fine, really. Lexa has an old Nintendo64. It has some fighting game hooked up to it. I’m sure she won’t mind us using it.” She takes a big breath and then exhales, realizing she was running out of air.

Anya makes note of Callie’s awkward demeanor, finding it strangely cute. She nods “Sounds fun.”

“Okay!” Kim says, joining her hands in one big clap. “If we’re going to have you ready by the time you need to pick up your degenerate girlfriend, you should at least be showered.” She takes one quick whiff of her daughter and shakes her head. “Alex, I’m not trying to be rude but you smell rancid.” She shakes her head in disgust. “How long has it been since-”

“Six days.” She cuts off, preparing herself for her mothers disgust but not really caring.

“Alex that’s-”

 

“Stop calling me Alex.” She says, putting her arms up and away from her mother. “I hate it when you call me Alex.”

“I just don’t get it. Everyone called you Alex growing up. Hell! Matthew called you that! How can you not like it?” Kim asks.

“Exactly. Matthew called me that.” She says, as if it were obvious but Kim doesn’t get it. “He’s dead.” She says, gritting her teeth. “And that part of me is too.” She gulps, clenching her jaw. “I’ve asked you numerous times to not call me that. Now you know why. Will you stop?” She doesn’t notice her eyes starting to water until her sight starts getting blurry.

“Al-” Kim starts then stops, correcting herself. “Lexa,” She sighs. “It’s been ten years.”

“I’m going to shower.” Lexa huffs, grabbing a towel from her closet and slamming the door to the bathroom.”

\---

“I’m gonna beat your ass!” Callie shouts, right when she’s about to finish Anya’s last life. Lucky for her, there was a knock on the door and she was able to pause the game. “What? Nooo.” Callie complained.

“You’ll have plenty of time to destroy me later but someone’s knocking on the door.” 

Callie turned her ear to the door and stayed silent for a while. She didn’t hear anything. “I think you’re just saying that to get out of losing another round. I don’t think your ego can take it.” Anya arches an eyebrow at the girl’s whitty occurrences. Just then, the unknown visitor knocks again. Callie tightens her lips in surprise. She giggles and says, “I guess I stand corrected.” 

Callie gets up from the couch. She goes over to open the door and is surprised to see a woman she had never seen before. 

“Oh, hello.” The woman says, caught off guard by the woman opening the door not being Lexa. She peeps over the woman’s shoulder to look for a the brunette but didn’t find her. “Is Lexa here?” 

Callie eyebrows scrunch up, she shifts her weight and grabs the handle feeling a little curious as to who was calling her. “She is but um… who are you, exactly?”

Clarke gasps. “Oh my God. You must be Mercedes!” Callie watches, intrigued by the woman’s rambling. “I’ve heard much about you. Lexa had mentioned you would be back soon but I just didn’t know it was today. I guess-“

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Callie interrupted.

“What was the…” She stopped herself, remembering. “Oh, right. I’m Clarke. Lexa’s old friend from high school. We reconnected at her brother’s Fourth of July party last month. Man does that guy know how to party.” She laughed nervously. “But I’m sure we’ll be able to get to know each other a lot better soon enough. Lexa just left my engagement party relatively quick and we haven’t been able to talk since but if you’d rather I come back at a different time that is completely fine with me.” Clarke finishes, stretching the truth just a little.

“Callie, who’s at the door?” Anya yells from the couch.

Callie shrugs, turning around to face the back of the woman's head. “Some blonde who thinks I’m Mercedes.”

“Wait. So you’re not Mercedes?” Clarke asks but it’s ignored.

“Did you not hear my Aussie accent? I’m not hispanic.” She laughed, turning her attention to Clarke briefly before looking back at Anya.

Anya quickly turns her head, catching Callie’s eyes as she gave her a confused look. She’s up and out of the couch in a minute, approaching the door when she recognizes the blondie.

“Clarke?”

“Anya?”

“Callie?” Callie asks for herself. She get two confused looks from both women and just smiles. “Sorry, I was just feeling a little left out.”

Anya shakes her head, looking back at Clarke again as she asks her question. “What are you doing here?”

“Lexa hasn’t answered my calls.” Clarke started with. “I haven’t spoken to her since before the… party. I just want to see her.” She sees Anya’s intense stare and feels uncomfortable. “To make sure she’s okay and such.”

“That’s so sweet of her.” Callie says, looking back at Anya.

“That it is.” The woman responds quickly weighing her options. “But I’m afraid you’ll have to come back another time.”

“I just need to see her. It’ll only be a second.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke. She’s very busy right now and it would be best to leave her unbothered.” Anya tells her. “It’s already been quite the morning for her. Best to leave her alone.”

“Right.” Clarke says. “Well, when you see her can you tell her I stopped by. She hasn’t been answering-” She’s interrupted by a big slam from one of the doors on the second level. 

Loud stomps could be heard as two pairs of legs started walking down the stairs. “Mother, I do not need to floss again.”

“Tell that to your dentist. The amount of blood you left on the first one was ungodly.” The woman shuddered in disgust.

“So was you cheating on Travis yet here we are.” Lexa sassed. Her mother gasps and that’s when Callie fake coughs, getting the women’s attention. Lexa is the first one to turn around and when she does, green eyes meet blue. 

At the mere sight of her, Lexa’s demeanor changes. She took in a slow, shaky breath, feeling her chest tighten. It is barely a whisper when she says her name, in acknowledgement and… longing?

“Lexa… I.” She stops and just watches her. She looked beautiful in her long blue and gray flannel. It was opened and revealed a lighter gray crop top, showing off a bit of her abs. She had tight black ripped jeans that hugged her in all the right places. Just seeing her made her knees weak. 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked her. She was looking at her blankly, as if she were any other person. As if this were any other exchange.

“I wanted to see you.” She admits, her eyes were searching, begging, pleading for any sign of emotion. She doesn’t any trace of it so she continues talking. “I want to see if you were okay.” If we’re okay. She wants to say but it doesn’t roll off her tongue. Not when three women she barely knew were watching her so intently. “And to… talk.”

“Clarke, I would…” It’s when Lexa breaks in just the lightest bit. Her eyes well of emotion; her lips tight together in a straight line. “But you caught me in a really bad time.”

“Right. I’m sorry.” Clarke apologizes. “I’ll head out then.” 

“My mother and I will accompany you.” Lexa looks dead at her mother. “She was just on her way out as well.”

Kim seems to get more annoyed, waving her hands in the air as she complains. “Well now I guess I am.” She goes to the couch and grabs her purse, the sound of her heels clicking behind her as they hit the hardwood floor.

“It was a pleasure to see you again Mrs. Woods.” Clarke peeps out as the woman walks away. 

“I wish I could say the same.” Kim huffs. “And you, Alex.” She says, knowing it would get her daughter’s blood to boil. “Try not to be such a bitch next time. After all, I am your mother and did you quite the favor.” She finishes before she walks out the door feeling quite indignant yet she didn’t let it show. At least not with how high her head was.

“Bye to you too, mom.” Lexa says to the wind. She’s brought back to her senses when she hears Clarke whisper.

“Are you okay?”

Lexa’s puts her hand on the small of her back, signalling her to walk forward but Clarke doesn’t move. “I’ll call.” Lexa sighs. She saw the uncertainty in Clarke’s eyes so she grabbed her hands, squeezing them. “I will.” And Clarke nods, knowing she could not say anything more. She watched the woman walk out in the opposite direction and her heart sank all over. There was so much left unsaid between them but for now, it would be enough.

Back in the apartment, Anya was still trying to wrap her head around what had just happened. Anya had analyzed Clarke’s face. She seemed nervous, uneasy. It’s what prompts her to wonder why. She doesn’t mean to pry; she knows it’s not her place but that being said, she’s worried about her sister. She’s not exactly sure what happened and she really doesn’t want to dwell on the thought of what her sister could be doing on her own time but the one thing that’s clear is that whatever happened made Clarke feel guilty and clearly hurt Lexa in some way. What she feared she saw it written on Lexa’s face. Clarke still holds a great power over her.

Anya’s attention is quickly drawn back to the tv screen. Callie had unpaused the game and had killed the second of her opponents three lives and was currently laughing like a madman. Anya gasps, jumping on the couch and squeezing her controller tight. A mischievous grin is on Callie’s lips. “Oh, you’re so on!” 

\----

The drive to the airport hadn’t taken long. What did take forever was the wait at the arrival gate. Lexa feared she wouldn’t get there in time to await her girlfriend when the plane landed and she wasn’t. She had gotten to the gate just fifteen minutes before the flight was supposed to arrive just to find out it had been delayed for almost three hours. She took the time to wander around and try to clear her mind. She couldn’t allow herself to think of Clarke. Whatever childhood crush she may had had on the woman had to die, today. She was engaged now. Not to mention her travelling nurse-girlfriend was just coming back from a years worth of work she was able to get done in just eight months. It was a lot of emotions to take in so she focused on the positive ones. Her girlfriend was coming back!

Two coffees and a whole lot of leg shaking later, the first people on Mercedes flight started coming out. She saw a lot of couples reunited. People of all sorts hugging and kissing one another while others silently walked themselves out. It was always an interesting experience for her, waiting for Mercedes to come back. Yet, it always felt like the first time. With every passing second her heart raced faster. She could barely hold still when she saw a tall latina in short and an ordinary green t-shirt walking about with her ponytail bopping around, looking for her girlfriend. Her eyes met with the woman and moments later heard a high pitched squeal from said woman’s throat. Lexa prepared herself, setting one foot in front of the other, as she knew what would come next. The woman fasten her bookbag with the clip over her chest and run towards her. Within a few seconds, she had the woman jumping up into her arms, bumping her head.

“Ouch!” Mercedes said, rubbing her forehead as she pout. “We have got to get better at that.” She informed Lexa to which she only laughed. Mercedes wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck as she got a good look at her girlfriend. Her hair was a little longer, and arms were a little stronger but she had the same soft smile few got to see. She looked back up at her eyes and smiled a megawatt smile in return.

“I missed you.” She said, tangling a hand into Lexa’s hair. 

“I missed you too.” Lexa confessed, resting her forehead on her girlfriend’s. “So much, Sadie.” She indulges herself in having the woman she had loved for a long time. She hadn’t even noticed she had closed your eyes.

“This is nice and all but mamita, I’m hungry.” She pouted again. 

Lexa grinned, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re always hungry.”

“But now I’m starving! And tired. It’s been a really long flight.” She informed her. “I could really use a juicy burger from Trikru right now. You know? The special one Indra always makes me?”

“Whatever you say.” Lexa says, then putting Mercedes down and extending out her hand for the woman to take.

“Wait!” Mercedes stops. She looks at Lexa and sees a confused expression on her face. Mercedes leans leans forward until she could get a good look at her green eyes. She leans in saying, “Kiss me?” With purses lips.

Lexa pulls her close, resting a soft kiss on Mercedes lips but the woman isn’t having it. She pulls her closer, deepening it, until Lexa has to pull away in gasps for air. Mercedes expression of need is just as bad and Lexa remembers that this exact feeling she felt was why she always waited for her to come back.

“Welcome home, baby.”

—-

It had been an eventful day for Lexa. She usually wasn’t all that tired after two rounds but after the look Mercedes have her right after she finished, she could tell they both wanted to call it quits. It isn’t soon after that Lexa is tossing from side to side, trying to ignore Mercedes snoring. At first it had been endearing. She had actually almost missed it when she was gone. Almost. She eventually gives up on trying to fall asleep and picks up her phone.

She scrolls through social media and sees a picture Octavia was tagged in. It was a picture of where Clarke and Madi were on either side of Bellamy, giving his a kiss on the cheek. Behind him you could see Octavia doing bunny ears and sticking out her tongue. The caption was “With my bestest girls.” 

Without thinking, she clicked on Clarke’s tagged handle and went to her account. There were a few pictures of food, her with her friends, or of Madi. Rarely any of Bellamy which she thought was odd but she thought. She kept scrolling through pictures and couldn’t help but stop at a specific one. It seemed like a candid picture of Clarke playing volleyball on the beach. She was wearing tight black shorts and they reminded her of the ones Clarke would wear for gym in high school. She couldn’t help but think of how great her thighs still looked. Her mind started drifting off to other… more indecent things and she freaked out. She couldn’t be having these thoughts! What was happening to her! She hadn’t noticed she was clenching her teeth until she felt a sharp pain in her tongue. She had accidentally bit the side of it and it had hurt. Deciding to ice it, she got out of bed and headed to the kitchen.

She was just drinking water with ice when she got a text. She opened it and it was from Clarke. There was a screenshot from her inbox on Instagram with a text that said. “So you can’t call me but you can like a four month old picture of me on insta, HedaKomTrikru?”

She felt her cheeks burn at the knowledge that she had been caught. “I can’t talk now but meet me at my bar after work. I’m working the day shift and have an hour lunch break to kill.”

She feels herself getting anxious, awaiting Clarke’s response. “No.” She tells herself, making her way back to her room. She carefully makes her way back into bed, trying to ignore her intrusive thoughts and failing to notice Mercedes’ slight stirring. Lexa wraps her arms around Mercedes and breathes in her scent. “You love Mercedes.” She repeated aloud “You love Mercedes and only Mercedes.” It took her awhile but she eventually she was drifting up to sleep.

Sadly for her, Mercedes had heard her. She waited until Lexa’s breathing evened out before leaving the room. She went straight to Callie’s room, opening the door to reveal the woman on her bed with a laptop. Mercedes promptly closed the door and locked it, looking back at Callie as she crossed her arms. “We need to talk about Lexa.” She says. 

Callie sighs, as she closes her laptop and pats the empty spot on her bed. “What do you want to know? Specifically.”

Mercedes is clear and straight forward when she answers with a straight face. “Everything.”

\-----

Clarke was drying her hair with her towel when she walked back into her bedroom. She wasn’t shocked to see Bellamy on his tablet, probably reading some random facebook article as he always did this before bed. She got into her side of the bed and picked up her book, only able to get a few paragraphs in before Bellamy spoke to her. She annoyedly, puts a finger up and finishes up the last sentence of her latest paragraph before resting her book on her lap. 

“Your phone keeps vibrating.” He repeated knowing very well that anything said before Clarke put her finger up had been ignored. “I think it might be a call.”

Clarke puts her bookmark back in her book and grabs her phone. She unlocks it to see that there had been no incoming call but multiple instagram notifications. “No calls, just our friends showing their love in the comments.” She smiles as she reads a few 

Bellamy grabs his glasses that hung down on his large gray v-neck. “Let me see.”

Clarke laughs, pulling her phone back. “Did you not read them before? Your phones right over there.” She points across the room to the top of their dresser where it was charging.

“I had only been able to read Murphy’s before it died.” He said. “Don’t make me get up.”

She passes him her phone and he reads a couple more of the comments. He laughs, shaking his head as he smiles at the phone. “Everyone is leaving nice comments and then there’s Raven.” 

Clarke eyes brighten, curiosity taking over. “What she say?”

“That Madi is a ‘cute kid’ but that ‘us uglies’ ruined the picture.” He chuckles. “And Octavia replies back, saying ‘good thing you weren’t in the picture or else the camera would break.’”

Clarke smiles at the wittiness of her two closest friends. “They sure are something else.” Just then, her phone chimes. She sees as Bellamy’s eyebrows scrunch together. “What’s wrong.”

“Some random person liked an old picture of yours.” The phone chimes again and she moves closer to see over his shoulder. “They’re following you now.” He states. “Do you know who this Heda Kom Trikru could be?”

“Trikru?” Clarke asks, one person in specific coming to mind. She looks back at her fiance and smiles softly. “Do you know what picture they happened to like?”

Bellamy taps a few times before he huffs, passing the phone back to her. “See for yourself.” He says, going back onto his tablet.

Clarke grabs her phone and sees the picture. She has to bite her cheek as to not laugh out loud. Of course Lexa had clicked on that picture out of all of them. The one where she’s wearing short shorts and a bikini top. But she doesn’t think any of those things in specific. She’s thinking of how much fun she could have teasing Lexa for this. But that nice feeling drops as she thinks about Lexa. How the woman could barely look her in the eyes. She said she’d call but she hadn’t done so at all. And Clarke wasn’t going to push. Not more than she already had, anyways. She was going to be patient, do things on Lexa’s terms. But then this happened and the blondie took it as a sign, allowing her to take matters into her own hands again.

She types out a message to Lexa and sets her phone down, picking up her book to continue reading. She started and restarted reading the same paragraph over and over until she gave up and closed the book all over again. She couldn’t concentrate. Especially when she heard her phone chime again.

Bellamy takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Yawning, he asks for Clarke to turn her ringer off as he’s tired and has a long day at work the following morning or something along those lines. In all honesty, Clarke wasn’t truly paying attention. She was too busy reading Lexa’s new text so she just hums in agreement to whatever he said. She types out a quick okay and returns her attention to Bellamy who tries to give her a kiss on the lips to which she dodges, making his lips land on her chin. He sighs in a quiet frustration as he turns off the lights and aggressively pulls the covers.

Clarke ignores him though. She’s glued to her phone, awaiting another text message which never comes. She’s disappointed but not surprised. She knows that nothing between the two would ever be easy but hopefully the two could clear a few things up before her wedding.

Her wedding.

She barely had time to truly dwell over the fact that she would be getting married soon with how insane work had been and all the doctor’s visits she had needed to go to but she knew it was an unavoidable truth. Feeling her head start to hurt, she decided rest would be the best option for the time being. She could think tomorrow. Tonight, she just wanted to cease from existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too shabby, right? Right? I'm actually seeking validation because I don't really think this is as good as it could be but the next two chapters will for sure make up for it. Thank you for everyone commenting and giving kudos. You are all seen and loved. So don't be a stranger. I'm always down for a good talk. 
> 
> Question of the Day: What are your thoughts on Mercedes


	3. Maid of Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT a clexa date but sorta totally a clexa date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE GOT A THOUSAND HITS! And I can actually say they're not all from my mom! (omg she would freak if she even checked my search history as I am suppose to be an innocent little straight church girl) BUT i'm so excited to see how far this story can go. So thank you to all of those who have read, liked, and commented. Bless your little hearts as you have all made me smile, looking at my phone and seeing feedback from you lovelies.
> 
> Also, a clarification on the shit load of characters I just threw on you guys with barely any background knowledge: (my bad)
> 
> Anya: Lexa's step-sister from Kim's longest standing marriage/Lexa's best friend.  
> Callie: The roommate.  
> Costia: Lexa's first official girlfriend (and ex-girlfriend)  
> Matthew: Lexa's first and only boyfriend/her deceased best friend.  
> Mercedes: The girlfriend. Is a travelling nurse.  
> Kim: Lexa's mother.
> 
> Hopefully that clears things up a tiny bit. Again, sorry for that.
> 
> OH! And Huck and Douglas are just Trikru bar regulars. Not important to the plot at all but I just wanted someone to acknowledge Lexa was nervous about seeing Clarke so that's that.

Lexa hadn’t slept much the previous night. She slumped out of bed, deciding to head to the bathroom and get ready. She turned the shower on, swearing when the cold water hit her. She quickly moved the shower head to hit the wall as she impatiently waited for it to heat up. After a minute or two, she put her hand to the water and was satisfied. She moved the shower head back to its original spot sighed as the water hit her skin. Only then, did she allow herself to relax.

She was quietly lathering soap onto her arms when she heard the soft creek of her door open. Moments later, the curtains were being pulled, revealing a very naked Mercedes, wearing a shower cap and a radiating smile.

Lexa smiles back. Of course she does. She would be an asshole otherwise. So she leans in and whispers “good morning” to her lips before fully leaning in. Mercedes is the first to get handsy, pulling Lexa in so their fronts would press together. Mercedes is expecting to be pushed against the cold bathroom wall, or lifted up to have her legs wrapped around Lexa’s waist but not this.

“Mhm.” Lexa mumbles, pulling away from Mercedes and stepping back into the water. Her gaze turning more apologetic as her eyes meet her girlfriend’s. “I can’t. I’ll be late for work.”

“Nooo.” Mercedes pouts, pulling the woman close again by her still connected arms around her neck. But the way Lexa pulls away from her is a clear yes. She’s rough and abrupt. It probably wasn’t intentional, tired Lexa could be quite the grouch, but she usually wasn’t this way with her. But all of a sudden, now she was. It spoke great volumes to Mercedes in ways Lexa couldn’t imagine, as she was oblivious to the way she had looked at the woman. With a sarcastic “huh”, she opened the curtain again and stormed out.

“It’s just that I’ll be late if I didn’t stop you.”

“Whatever, Lexa.” Mercedes says over her shoulder as she slams the door. Lexa groaned, knowing the woman would most likely give her the cold shoulder the rest of the day. 

She showered in record time, rushing her morning routine short by about twenty minutes. She gave herself a quick once over in the mirror and should’ve been out of the bathroom right after but as she was patting down her hair, she made the mistake of looking down. She found a dried out liquid eyeliner pencil sitting on the counter. She dipped the dry tip under the faucet and dabbed it on her towel a few times before. Deciding that would be good enough, she applied it effortlessly. Looking for the cap, she crouched down and after a couple seconds, she found it hidden away near the tin of trash. It was standing back up and seeing her reflection in the mirror that made her break, if only for a moment.

She looked in the mirror and saw a woman she didn’t like. Looking back down at the eyeliner cap and back at her darkly outlined eyes shouldn’t had made her feel the way it did. With one small yelp, she covered her mouth and closed her eyes. For only a second she allowed herself break her facade and acknowledge she was not okay. She tried not to think about Clarke, or how the kiss had affected her, but a second later her eyes were closed and flashbacks of that incident that occured on the same very counter her fingers were tightly clenching. She broke out in a cold sweat, hating the way her heart was racing because of Clarke, especially knowing her angry girlfriend was just a door away. She shook her head, throwing the eyeliner in the trash as she left the bathroom.

Mercedes was back in bed, wrapped up in the duvet with just one small breathing hole visible. “Sadie.” She whispers, but the woman is facing away from her, ignoring her. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” She walks over to the other side of the bed just to see Mercedes turn away to face the other side. Lexa rolls her eyes. 

“Mercedes I’m trying to communicate with you, something you’ve bitched about me not doing on multiple occasions but go ahead; act like a child. When you’re ready to actually be mature, let me know.” 

Lexa sat on the edge of the bed, putting her shoes on one at a time, waiting for Mercedes to say something. But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t. She just lays in her curled up ball, waiting for Lexa to leave and when she does, she jumps out of bed fully clothed, grabs her keys, and leaves.

\---

It had been an unusually slow day. The bar was never packed during the day, but there were always a few people to keep her preoccupied. There was always at least one group of rich housewives and/or overworked soccer moms. The occasional business deal would also be made over a glass of wine or some scotch and of course. It had truly sucked, especially since she was always looking down at her watch while one of her only two clients called her out on it.

“Two minutes, thirty six seconds.” Huck mutters while putting a handful of peanuts, shells and all, into his mouth. 

“Sorry I-” Lexa was about to ask Huck to repeat himself but was interrupted by her other client.

“Oh my God! You speak?” The man next to him says.

“I’m sorry, you are?” Huck asks.

“Douglas. Douglas Downey” He responds, offering his hand for a handshake which Huck does not accept. “I sit here every Friday afternoon after work.” Huck doesn’t respond and the man continues to speak. “I have done this for almost a year now? And you’re always here before me?” Huck shakes his head, not recalling anything and Douglas gets more frustrated. “I’ve tried starting up conversation a few times but you never answer, not verbally at least. It’s just a head nod or if I’m lucky, a thumbs up. Do you seriously not recall?”

Huck shakes his head but then raises his beer. “Well, it’s good to properly meet you, Douglas Douglas Downey.”

“Oh it’s not actually Douglas Douglas by the-”

“I know. I was trying to make light of the situation and crack a joke that you clearly didn’t-” He stops himself, tightening his mouth as he sighed. Directing his attention back at Lexa, he continues. “Two minutes, thirty-six seconds is the average intervals of the last hour in which you look down at your watch to then proceed in looking at the entrance.” 

Lexa looks down at her watch, ashamed that she had been so obvious. “I’m expecting someone.” She says, simply.

“Oh, I’m sure the big guy know that.” Douglas interjects, putting his hand on Huck’s shoulder. “What I think he means to ask is who are you expecting.”

“I’m not actually.” Huck says, shrugging Douglas’ arm off until the man got the hint. “You seemed nervous… anxious rather. I just wanted to ask if you were okay.”

“I am. Thank you, Huck.” Lexa says, putting a hand over Huck’s as he responds to with a one strong head nod.

“So your name is Huck.” Douglas says, pondering for a second. “Suits you.”

Lexa took the time Huck was distracted to glance down at her watch again. She looked back up at the entrance and was surprised to find her eyes lock on blue. Clarke smiles, swiftly making her way over to Lexa, throwing her purse on one of the stools and sitting down on the empty spot next to it.

“I’m very sorry I’m this late. I just.” She stopped herself as she tried to catch her breath.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself.” Lexa starts but Clarke waves her hand.

“No.” She says. “I want to. Just give me… Give me a sec.” Her hand is on her chest for a few more seconds until she’s fine. “Madi hadn’t been feeling well so we kept her from school a few days. She was doing better, saying she wanted to go back to school so against my better judgement I let her, just to get a call from her school, saying she threw up all over herself and her desk.”

“Madi? Last name being Blake?” Clarke looks at him questioningly, mentally throwing darts through his head. “Oh, I’m sorry for eavesdropping.”

“No you’re not.” Huck mumbles under his breath.

“But I believe Madi is one of my students. She was actually in my Social Studies class when the incident happened. I’m Mr. Downey, I believe we met for a parent/teacher conference, what was it, two weeks ago?” He explains.

“Oh, Mr. Downey, of course.” Clarke says, shaking her head as she gives him a handshake. “I’m sorry. My head just doesn’t seem to be screwed on right today.” She laughs nervously.

“That’s okay.” Douglas says in a nurturing voice. “Any parent in your situation would be just the same. It’s understandable.”

“Thank you.” Clarke says.

“There’s no need.” He replies. “It’s truly a shame, your daughter’s  _ condition _ .” He emphasizes. “She’s such an intelligent, incredibly spirited kid.”

“Falling ill is never fun.” She says softly. “But my Madi is strong.”

“Of course. But when-”

“I’m sorry Mr. Downey-”

“We’re practically friends at this point. Just call me Douglas. Doug if you’d like.”

“Douglas.” Clarke says. “I’m sorry to cut our conversation short but I’m actually came to see Lexa and don’t exactly have a lot of time to spare.”

“Right. My apologies.” Douglas says.

Clarke nods, then looks back at Lexa. “Shall we?”

“Oh, um. Yes!” Lexa says, ready to take off her apron when she remembers she’s alone, tending to clients. “Ontari, you’re up.” She says, passing her apron on to the younger bartender. Lexa was about to leave when she looks back at the two men watching the women's interaction. “But can get you two gentlemen anything else before I go?”

Huck shakes his head and Douglas goes, “No, if it seems like I’ve drank more than a cup, my wife will yell at me and you know the saying; happy wife, happy life.” 

Lexa gives a compromised laugh. “Okay, take care Doug.” She looks over at the other man, checking his watch and looking back up at Lexa with a smirk. “You too, Huck.” She says as she starts to walk off.

“Is Octavia working?” Clarke asks. “Because if she is, tell her I say hi.”

“Why don’t you come tell her yourself?” Lexa asks, walking over the threshold.

“Wouldn’t Indra freak?” Clarke asks to which she simply shrugs.

“She’s not here. There’s no need for her to know.”

Clarke smiles, following Lexa’s lead as they walk through the doors. Clarke had never seen how hectic working at a restaurant could truly be. Octavia was usually a level-headed person, never losing her cool unless gravely disrespected and here, she was yelling at an employee almost to tears. 

“You call this soup? The vegetables are still hard and the chicken isn’t even fully cooked!” She says, pausing to take a spoonful of the broth. “And this broth has way too much oil. Try again.” The employee nodded and rushed off back to their station. She turns to another employee, taking a bite of a crepe looking thing. “And, ugh.” She shakes her head in disgust. “What is this suppose to be?” She asks, staring at the food in her hand.

“A chimichanga.” They inform.

“Well, chimi chuck-it in the trash.” She puts it back on the plate, wiping her hands on the the towel another person is holding for her. She sighs, patting the back of her arm on her forehead before resting them on her hips. She’s looking up at the ceiling as her head lulls to the side. “Anybody else ready to disappoint me?”

“Me?” Clarke asks, trying not to laugh as she sees Octavia’s unimpressed expression turn into a smile.

“Clarke? What are you doing here?” She offers her a quick hug, before resting her hand on her hips again.

“I just stopped by to say hi.” She says lightly then saw Lexa who was looking straight ahead. “And I was meeting up with Lexa, talking about tomorrow and such. I had to go pick up Madi’s prescription anyways.”

Octavia’s expression softens again. “Yeah, I wanted to ask. How is the poor kid? Bellamy called earlier, asking if I could pick her up but I had just started my shift to be informed via text that Indra had hired two new cooks that knew absolutley nothing about our signature plates.” She says, looking at a one of them jump back as there was a small flare of a grease fire that immediately went back down on its own. “Idiots.” She looks back at Clarke when she adds, “Bellamy couldn’t contact you.”

Clarke nodded. “I was with a patient at the time but as soon as I talked to him, I let mom know and she let me off early so Bellamy could go back to work.” She informs.

“But Bell’s out now, right?” Octavia asks.

“Oh yeah.” Clarke assures, realizing what Octavia was getting at. “No, she’s not alone.” Octavia nods.

“Is there anything I can get for you two?” Octavia asks, looking specifically at Lexa. “I know this one always has an appetite so I’ll get her the usual but what would you like, Clarke?”

“Do you guys serve Clam chowder?” Clarke says. “I’ve really been in the mood for Clam Chowder, lately.”

“Okay. I will have it out and ready for you soon enough.” Octavia tells them, turning to one of the Chefs. “I need a vegetarian garbage plate and a clam chowder.” She informs him. “And be generous in your portions, these platters are for Trikru family.” The man nods and leaves to complete his orders. Octavia looks back at Clarke, and offers her another hug. She pulls in tight, whispering, “If you need to talk to me, my cell is always on.”

Clarke looks down at the floor before meeting the chef’s eyes again and nods. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

“Shall we?” Lexa asks, tilting her head out the door. Clarke smiles and nods, nervously following Lexa. She had seen the restaurant multiple times before, but she hadn’t ever truly appreciated how very… Lexa like it is. With the high ceilings, deep cherry wooden tables and leather seats, the black and white aesthetically pleasing walls; it all screamed Lexa.

Lexa stops walking as they’ve approached their table. “This is my favorite spot.” She informs, pulling the chair back for Clarke to sit. “It’s in the corner of the place, just out of view of everyone else but not hidden.”

“I like it.” Clarke says simply. “This whole place feels… like you.”  _ And I like you.  _ She thinks but does not say. She sees Lexa smiling at her, their eyes lock and she’s mesmerized at just how green the woman’s eyes look, even in the dim lighting. Clarke decides against mentioning it, opting to refocus her thoughts on back to why she was here to see Lexa in the first place. “How’s Mercedes?”

Right then, a waitress comes over, handing the women two glasses of water with straws. “Can I get y'all ladies anything else to drink?”

Lexa looks over at Clarke and she shakes her head. “No we’re good with the waters.” The woman walks away but Lexa doesn’t answer right away. “Good.” She responds.

Clarke arches her eyebrows. “Just good?” She laughs. “That doesn’t sound like the Lexa who was drunkenly venting about how much she missed her girlfriend.”

“That was over month ago. I’m a changed woman.” She counters.

Clarke rolls her eyes jokingly. “Of course. And I imagine you serenading me with a hairdryer as a microphone was the old you?”

Lexa couldn’t stop her cheeks from blushing as the memories of that night came back to her. “Can you stop mentioning that night? I was beyond drunk and you were barely even tipsy it is not fair.”

“How could I not? It was…” Clarke closes her eyes for just a second, remembering all the feelings she remember seeing the woman for the first time in forever. “it was the day I got my best friend back.” She puts her hand out, hovering it over Lexa’s scared to actually go the entire way. She was surprised to see Lexa way less hesitant, being the type of woman to never initiate any form of affection. She turned her hand so the back of it was resting on the table, opening her hand and giving Clarke and encouraging nod. The blonde woman squeezed their hands together, feeling swoon over the smallest of gestures. “I think you underestimate how glad I am to have you back in my life.”

Lexa inhaled sharply, both her hands starting to sweat. She rubbed the free one on her jeans and watched the other one as Clarke softly rubbed the top of it with her own thumb. A bruptly unclasps their hands she asks, “How’s the fiance?” 

Clarke physically cringes, her lips showing off a small frown. “It sounds so weird… hearing that. He’s still… just Bellamy to me.”

“Well yes.” Lexa starts, forcing a smile. “Bellamy: boyfriend, father of your child,” She states, taking another sip of her water. “Fiance is just another thing on that list. Husband will be too. Might as well start getting use to it.”

Clarke smiles back but it cracks. “I actually wanted to talk to you about... that night.”

Lexa nails dig into her own thighs as she braces herself for the expected rejection she knew was bound to come but then decides to address it first. “If it’s about the kiss don’t worry about it.” She waves off with a hand. “It meant nothing. Friends kiss sometimes and it’s not supposed to mean anything. And it didn’t. Not to me at least.”

Clarke arches and eyebrow, shocked by the woman’s words. “I was referring to my engagement.” She says, lifting up her other hand ring-clad in all its glory. “But now that you’ve mentioned that…” She stops herself… fully processing what the woman had just said. “It meant nothing to you?”

“Why?” Lexa looks up from her drink, momentarily pausing the stirring she was doing with her straw in the iced water. “Did it mean something to you?”

Clarke nods, bashfully. She wanted to elaborate on her thought. She wanted to tell Lexa exactly how she had felt, she wanted to show her too. But she wouldn’t. All she could do was look into Lexa’s excruciatingly beautiful eyes and hope she’d understand what little she understood herself. They were taken out of their trance by Octavia serving their food.

“Apparently if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” She complained, putting each woman’s plate of food in front of them. “‘Is cheese not vegan?’ They asked. I said, first of all I had asked for a vegetarian garbage plate and second of all give me that damn plate. I’m surrounded by idiots.” She huffed. “But anyways, enjoy your food. I have to get back. But I hope to see you tomorrow at the Griffin-Blake household to talk all things bridal, maid of honor.”

Lexa choked on her water, having to cough up a few times to settle down. “Excuse me?”

Clarke gave Octavia a gritted smile as she spoke in a sing song voice. “I hadn’t exactly gotten to that yet.”

“Right.” Octavia says. “Well…” She turns, eyeing the kitchen. “I better, uh, leave you guys to it then.” She makes her escape, not looking back.

“What?” Lexa asks. Clarke winces at her demanding tone. If she wasn’t scared to ask before, she definitely was now.

“You’re important to me.” She starts. “We’ve technically been friends the longest out of all of the six girls I asked being my bridesmaids but…” She shakes her head, smiling. “Ever since I was a kid imagining my future wedding as little girls do; you were always there right by my side.” She grabs Lexa’s hand again, searching her eyes. “And it would mean the world if you could help me have that. So at least one thing about this ordeal would go the way I wanted it to.” She takes a deep breath. “That all being said… Be my maid of honor?”

“At least one thing about…” She muttered under her breath. It took Lexa a moment to surely interpret everything the woman had told her, but one specific thing stood out the most. “Clarke…” She says hesitantly. “Do you not want to get married.”

“That’s seriously what you got out of all that?” Clarke asked, laughing awkwardly.

Lexa shakes her head, putting her fork down. She squeezes Clarke’s hand tightly. “I need you to answer me.” Her voice is hoarse, full of emotion. “Do you not want to marry Bellamy?”

Clarke tries laughing it off. “We live together. He’s the father of my child. It all…” Her voice cracks are her eyes avert Lexa’s. She’s looking around the room, searching for something but she doesn’t find it. “it makes sense.”

“Clarke…” Lexa pleads. She’s desperate, begging for an answer. It’s delusional in all honesty. She’s hoping she’ll say no. She’s hoping she’ll say she wants her. “Why are you doing this out of convenience. Do you not love him?”

Clarke’s eyes water, her heart tearing into pieces. “Madi needs her father close.” She tells her, tears fleeting and forming small streaks over her makeup. “When something’s wrong or she can’t sleep. He’s the first one she calls. She’s daddy’s little girl. She needs the both of us… together.”

“She’s eleven. Of course it would be hard but she can understand why you’d not want to? She seems like a good kid. I’m sure if you explained things calmly...“

“No.” Clarke says, shaking her head. “I’m not telling her I don’t-” She cuts herself off, wiping away her tears. “I’m getting married.” She nods.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Lexa says. In her head, nothing is adding up so naturally, her following questions are; “Is he making you do this? Clarke, are you safe?”

“Nothing is wrong and I am going to marry Bellamy.” She says a little too loud, luckily there were no clients at the surrounding tables. “Let's eat, the food is getting old.”

Lexa looks down at the food, momentarily not so hungry. She looks at Clarke and she’s eating her food. She does the same and they’re suddenly eating in silence. Lexa’s hunger soon comes back and before she knows it, she’s devouring her food. As she finishes, she takes another quick look at Clarke and her heart shatters. The woman is picking at her food with her fork, barely touching anything as silent tears continue to stream down her face.  Lexa’s fist ball up in anger. She throws her napkin down at the table as she stands up. She offers Clarke her hand. “Come on.” It takes only a moment's hesitation but Clarke stands up, taking her hand and following. She would follow Lexa blindly if it meant she could hold her hand.  Lexa takes her near the closed off music entertainment section is but takes a turn and they’re suddenly heading up stairs where the private parties are held. Right off that bar, there’s an office. Lexa takes out a key and unlocks the door.  “Sit here.” She says, taking her to her leather couch. She gets a couple tissues from her desk and hands them to Clarke. “I’ll be right back.” And she’s off again.

Clarke is left alone in a barely lit office area that she’s sure must be hers. The flannel shirt on the desk chair proves her thought. It was the same shirt Clarke had given her at the party. 

\---

The two had been laughing and dancing, more than happy that they had coincidentally reconnected at Lexa’s brother’s home. Well… it was more like grinding. It had started off with giggles and teasing but as the night progressed and tensions were high, the duo got more and more comfortable. To the point that shaky hands were now boldly seeking and mapping uncharted territory. Clarke was sweating, pulling her hair back as she introduced her thigh to Lexa’s front. She sees the woman’s green eyes darker to a deep, unrecognizable shade and it’s when she felt the pit in her stomach drop. She watched as the woman ground her hips on her for the first time, mesmerized by the way Lexa’s eyes fluttered to a close. Clarke new they were crossing a fine line but in the moment, she didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to focus on Lexa and how her hands were moving up and under her flannel. They were in their own little world but it was soon interrupted by a stumbling partier that could barely walk, bumping into Lexa and dumping his drink all over her back.

“My bad.” He says over his shoulder as he keeps on walking.

“What a fucking asshole!” Lexa complains.

“Lexa. Lexa!” Clarke yelled, trying to get a furious Lexa to listen to her instead of trying to chase down the stranger. “Let’s get you to a bathroom. Do you know where the bathroom is?”

“Mhm.” She nods, pulling Clarke by the hand as to follow her. They make it into the house and see Lexa’s brother, Nicolas, dancing with some woman on his kitchen counters. Lexa points to the alleged room, letting Clarke opens it and enter first. As soon as she does, Lexa is shoving her inside and locking the door.

“Lexa… what?” Clarke is soon pushed against the door by Lexa. She’s using excessive force that Clarke didn’t even know she could possess in her inebriated state. 

Clarke’s surrounded by Lexa whose arms are propping her up on the door in attempt to steady her fail. “Don’t talk.” She fails and her lower half is pressed against Clarke’s. “Don’t  _ think _ .” She looks into her eyes, determination all over her face. ”Just… feel me.” It’s what she says mere seconds before merging their lips together.

Clarke wants to argue with her. She wants to tell Lexa that what she was saying was crazy. 

Clarke is shocked to say the least but the proximity of Lexa made her knees weak but there’s hesitation in Lexa’s eyes. “Please don’t reject me again.” She whispers. Clarke holds her stare until she can’t anymore. Lexa’s leaning in, begging for her feelings to be corresponded for the second time now.

Their lips crash together with such ferocity that leaves Clarke gasping for air. She was going to put up a fight. She wasn’t going to allow herself to kiss Lexa. But there was nothing holding her back from the primal urge that woman evoked in her. Her mouth is chasing Lexa’s as the woman walks backwards. Before she knows it, they’re both falling, quite ungracefully, on the guest room bed. They release each others lips, realizing they’ve fallen. Lexa looks up at Clarke and notices the hesitation.

“No no no.” Lexa whines, chasing Clarke’s lips but she moves back, getting off from on top of her.

“Stop. We shouldn’t.” Clarke barks, already missing the absence of Lexas warmth in between her thighs. “You’re drunk. We both are.”

Lexa groans, annoyed as she takes off her shirt, throwing it on the floor. She’s content with Clarke’s reaction. She’s looking down at Lexa’s sports bra and a little lower, to her abs. Her raw look is what makes Lexa smirk. It’s a few seconds later that everything clicks. She shakes her head and shimmies out of her flannel shirt. She gets on the bed, wrapping it around Lexa. The brunette fights her on it, forcing her to have to get incredibly close to straddling the woman just to get her dressed. She eventually stops fighting and let’s Clarke put it on.

“And people say  _ I’m _ a buzzkill?” Lexa asked, huffing and puffing in discontentedness. Her hands rest on the woman’s thighs. She’s still yet to move and she uses this to her advantage, massaging the skin back and forth, hoping to get some sort of reaction from the woman.

Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand sternly. “You’re drunk.” She repeats, her eyes relenting when they’re met with glassy puppy-dog eyes. “If you really want to make a move… call me. Just be sober this time.” She gets up from the bed and heads to the door. “It’s getting late and I need to go home.”

“Wait.” Lexa begs, following her and grabbing her wrist. “Is this even real? Will I ever see you again?”

Clarke smiles, kissing Lexa’s cheek and lingering there. “Do you seriously think that now that I’ve found you again I’m going to let you go?” Lexa looks down, blushing at the woman’s statement. “I’m here. I’m real. And I’m not going away.” Lexa looks back up at her and gives a tight-lipped smile back. “We exchanged numbers earlier. You’ll hear from me, but now I’ve got to go.”

Lexa nods, watching the woman walk away. “Bye.” She says but Clarke is long gone so she’s left alone with her thoughts and demons.

\---

“Clarke!”

The blonde woman leaves memory lane and returns to reality. Lexa in her face with a bottle of wine and two empty wine glasses. 

Lexa sighs in relief. “You didn’t hear me? I was calling your name. You were in a sort of trance.” She explains, sitting down next to the woman on her couch. She hands her the wine glasses as she wedges the wine glass between her thighs in attempt to open the bottle. “What were you thinking of?”

Clarke looks down at the bottle, a quiet sigh leaving her sealed lips. “It’s not important.”

Lexa momentarily pauses her actions to look at Clarke. She frowns, turning her attention back to the bottles, finally getting it to open. She starts pouring the drinks, and is surprised to see Clarke chugging hers, putting her empty glass on the floor.

Lexa puts her drink down too, realizing that whatever troubling Clarke was truly serious. She scooches closer to her. She’s breathing hard. There’s a moment's hesitation as she halts herself, fingers hovering over Clarke’s. Clarke’s head is tilted down, she’s watching their hands. Lexa notices that she neither pushes her away nor engages. They stay there, in their close proximity just looking at one another.

“You’re hurting, Clarke.” Lexa says, cupping her face with her free hand. “I see it in your eyes. Why don’t you talk to me?” Clarke’s eyes flutter to a close as she leans into her touch. Her feelings are overwhelming her as she can no longer control herself. 

Clarke flings her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her as tight as possible. It takes Lexa back a moment and she freezes. It takes her a little bit to refocus her attention on the fact that Clarke was crying and not on the scent of her hair. “I can’t.”

Lexa seemed perplexed. “Why?”

“Because I can’t say it.” She’s now shaking, “I physically cannot say it.”

It was in that moment, in the brutal, heart wrenching way Clarke pulled away from her did it fully sink in. Clarke wasn’t hers for the taking. And she probably won’t ever be. But at least, in that moment, she could ease her pain.

Lexa grabs her arms and gives her a quick shake. “Look at me.” She pleads. She had never seen Clarke so down. So defeated. “I am here for you. I won’t leave you again. And whenever you want to open up, I will be here, patiently waiting. Like you always have with me.” She nods, waiting for Clarke to react. It wasn’t the way she expected but she wasn’t by any means disappointed.

Clarke leans into her, looking at her eyes as she leans forward. Their foreheads touch and they just rest there. Lexa knew Clarke’s internal turmoil. It was the same one she had. So she let Clarke set the pace. She let Clarke do this on her terms, not wanting to take advantage of her vulnerability. Apparently, she didn’t have to worry about that. Clarke leaned in.

It was a slow, tender kiss. Feeling extremely familiar. It was hesitant. An in the moment thing that was so delicate it made Lexa’s toes curl. She hadn’t felt so cared for, so wanted in such a long time. 

Clarke slowly leaned forward shifting her weight onto her knees. She angles her kiss, deepening it and Lexa reacts in the best possible way. It’s high and muffled but it resounds in her ears, sending shivers down her spine. It was the first time she had heard Lexa moan. And she wanted to enjoy it. She had been enjoying it. But the moan had only reminded her of what happened the last time on of them moaned. She couldn’t ignore the guilt that was starting to overtake her. 

Lexa feels Clarke’s movements start to halt. She was no longer an eager participant in their kiss. Instead, she was barely moving anymore. Lexa tries to engage her again, the tip of her tongue traces Clarke’s bottom lip, hoping for a positive outcome. 

She gets it.

Clarke’s pushing the back of Lexa’s head closer when their tongues meet. In one desperate move, Lexa pulls Clarke onto her lap with a small thud. Clake lets out a snake-like hiss at Lexa’s rash movements. It’s the way Lexa’s hands tease her abdomen that she knows Clarke is back and quivering under her touch. 

Lexa had thought she had succeeded. That Clarke had managed to turn her brain off and simply be. For just a second. That’s all Lexa wanted. To forget about everything, especially the people they were hurting because of their lack of control. But she knew Clarke hadn’t the moment she tasted the salt on her lips. She opened her eyes, watching her. 

Clarke’s eyes were closed, her breath was shaky, and her eyebrows were scrunched. Lexa had slowly moved back, out of the woman’s touch and waited for her to open her eyes. It took her a couple seconds to do so but in that time, Lexa thought she could almost feel her pain but who knows. Maybe she was confusing it with her own pain, her own guilt that was suppressed with every other of her emotions, for she showed no love nor fear. Nothing that could be used against her. She cared for Clarke but she wasn’t about to put her heart on the line for a person to the person who had it broken in the first place.

When Clarke finally opened her eyes, Lexa had made up her mind. “We should stop.”

Clarke unwraps herself from Lexa, staring down at her fingers. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to say what she wants to say without cracking her voice. “I don’t want to.” 

“I don’t either.” Lexa swallows hard, her eyes no longer happy but impassive. “But we must.” Clarke looks up at Lexa and now she’s the one refusing to look the other in the eye. 

“Lexa…” Clarke tries making Lexa look at her. She shifts around on her lap as Lexa keeps dodging her glare. “Say something.” She’s getting desperate as she forcefully grabs Clarke’s face, making her look at her. “Tell me this is fake. Tell me it’s one sided. Tell me I’m a bad kisser or that you’re just not attracted to me.” Her breathing is shaky again. She can barely deal with her own feelings as is, how would she be able to handle Lexa’s honesty. How would possibly be able to react to the knowledge that Lexa wants to literally tear Clarke’s clothes to shreds.

“Leave before I lose all remaining self-respect I have for myself and take you down on this very couch.” She says.

“Fuck, you-” Her words had elicited a whimper from Clarke involuntarily making her hips roll. The movement caused her to hiss. She removed her hands from the woman on top of her and dug them into the leather couch. “You can’t just  _ say _ those things.” 

Clarke’s breathing hasn’t calmed down, Lexa knows as she can feel them hitting her cheek at a rapid pace. Clarke looks down at Lexa but the woman won’t make eye contact but the truth is that she actually can’t, at least not without revealing how turned on she is. She thinks quick, trying to figure out a way to get this woman off of her. Opting for a more harsh approach she says,”Go back to him.”

Clarke lets out one sob, immediately covering her mouth to stifle her cries. Lexa barely makes eye contact with the woman as she nods. What Lexa does focus on are wobbly legs, shakily making their way out the door.

Tomorrow was sure to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to post. I had gone on totally not date with an old friend this week and he kissed me and it had fucked me up mentally for a few days, sorry if that reflects on my writing this time around. I hope you guys still like it though. I love all of you. Even the guys that read and don't click kudos :)
> 
> QOTD: WAS ANYONE ELSE SHOOK BY ALL THE LEXA REFERENCES IN 5x12 ??? Because it for sure broke me


	4. Engagements & Forbidden Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gangs all here in this one! Party, truth or dare, a smexy scene. My favorite chapter written so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those who wanted smut... good things come to those that wait :)

“You guys are being ridiculous.” Clarke says, getting up from her couch and heading to the kitchen to refill her glass of wine.

 

Raven rolls her eyes as Octavia gets up in a quick jump, tilting her head to the side in Clarke’s direction. With a groan, Raven adjusts her posture and makes her way to stand up. Once she’s up, she sees Octavia giving her a questioning look. “I’m fine.” She dismisses, trutting past her while making her way towards Clarke, Octavia never far behind. 

 

“No-one is attacking you.” Raven says, crossing her arms. “We just think it’s a little interesting that you didn’t ask one of us to be your maid of honor.” She explains. “Which obviously should have been me.”

 

“What? Why you?” Octavia asked.

“Please. You want to be the maid of honor?” Raven snickered. “You hate weddings! You’ve never stepped foot in a church! And not to be a bitch but your taste in interior design sucks. If Clarke hadn’t taken over, your loft would look like an actual madhouse. Who thinks purple and green looks good together?” She asks. “Not to mention you’re already the groom's sister and aunt to the little gremlin.”

“You’re the godmother!” Octavia defended. 

“And Murphy’s the godfather and guess what?” She asks with fake enthusiasm. “He’s best man!”

“Well, consider this.” Octavia asks. “Wouldn’t it be really weird for you to be the maid of honor? Considering you’ve slept with the groom?”

Raven grabbed the hair from the top of her head practically screaming. “That was one time! And in high school which was a whole lifetime ago! You need to stop bringing that up!”

Octavia was now furious. “You started it when-“

“Enough!” Clarke yells, over her friends conversation. “This is why I wouldn’t choose between the two of you!” Clarke gulped the last bit of the wine left in her glass as she rested it in the sink. “And I’ve asked you to stop calling my child a gremlin.”

“Right. My bad.” Raven says sheepishly, fully knowing it’ll continue to slip out. She turns her head back to Octavia, lips pressed together in a tight line before offering her hand. “Truce?” She says in a high pitched voice. Octavia huffs, begrudgingly nodding as she did their dumb little handshake. Raven smiles at her, satisfied as she continues to speak to Clarke. “All I’m saying is that it would’ve been an easier blow if you would’ve asked Niylah first. Her being the responsible, most adult like one out of all of us.”

“Raven. We’re all adults.” Octavia states.

“Well yeah. But we’re more like adult cats. We could probably make it on our own but shouldn’t be left unsupervised for too too long.” 

“I… want to argue with that logic but... you’re actually right?” Octavia says, strangely understanding exactly what Raven was trying to say.

“Aren’t I always?” Raven responds cheekily. “All I’m saying is that Lexa’s been back in your life all of two months and you’ve already replaced us with her.”

There was a knock on the door and Clarke turned to her friends. “I don’t need to explain myself to you guys. People are starting to show up. We’re going to drop this and have a good night. No one is going to give Lexa death glares.” She says, pointing to Raven specifically who huffs and puffs in disregard. “I’m being serious.” She warns. “Because don’t think that just because we’re all close doesn’t mean I won’t uninvite you to the bachelorette party if you go against my wishes.” She says before walking to the door.

“She  _ just _ got engaged and she’s already becoming Bridezilla.” Raven whispers to Octavia who just takes another big gulp of her beer. It would be a long night for sure.

Clarke opened the door to reveal a tall, muscular, bronze toned man with a wicked smile. He opened up his arms, waiting for Clarke to hug him back. She’s still shocked in disbelief as she does so. 

Raven walks towards the door, trying to see what the hold up was when she saw him standing there. “Woahoho she’s gonna freak!” She says, watching his amused expression. “Oh don’t be a stranger! Give me a hug. Or are you too famous for us now you superstar.”

“I’ll never be too famous for my favorite girls.” He says, engulfing her into a hug and pulling Clarke back in. They were all hugging for a few seconds until he breaks them away. “As fun as this is… I’d like to see my most favorite girl.” 

“Follow me.” Clarke says, walking through the “living room” and into the kitchen area.

Octavia was rummaging through the mini fridge in looks for more beer when she feels a presence behind her. She straightens up and sees Clarke and Raven looked at her.

“Uh… what’s going on?” She asks.

“Why would anything be going on?” Clarke asks defensively.

“Because Raven is looking at me like that.” She points with the same hand that’s holding her unopened bottle. “The mischievous face. That’s the face that means Raven either did something she’s not suppose to or knows something she’s not suppose to. And by our defensive response I can see that you’re in on it.” She states. “So what is it?”

The man walking slowly behind the women makes himself known, peeking his head from the other side of the interior wall with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Tada!” He says, finally walking towards his girlfriend, jazzhands and all.

“Lincoln?” She whispers, a small tear running down her cheek as she runs to him. He readily catches her, lifting her up as he rests a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s me, love.” He responds, resting her down and leaning in for a kiss. It started out cute and sweet, causing the two women to coo at their adorable reunion. All up until their kiss started getting out of hand. It was to the point where even Raven was a little grossed out. 

“Okay we get it. You guys missed each other!” Raven says, covering her eyes. “But if you guys seriously need to get in on in this exact moment, at the very least get a room. Preferably away from me.” She says, pretending to gag.

There’s another knock on the door and it reveals Monty, Harper, and Jasper.

Jasper holds up a little bag filled with green and brown leaves and another of brownies while Monty holds up a bottle of moonshine. “Pick your poison.”

—-

Almost everyone is there at the studio when Anya arrives. Well… all but two very important people.

“Anya! So glad you could make it.” Clarke says, from her spot next to Niylah whom she was currently cuddling with. The woman was braiding her hair while shaking her head lightly at the main groups conversation. “Have you spoken to Lexa? Is she coming?” Clarke asked, eyes hopeful.

“I… haven’t spoken to her since yesterday.” Anya says, seeing Clarke’s smile disappear. 

“Oh. Okay.” It’s soft, barely even audible. 

“If you want, I can try calling her.” She offers. “When I spoke with her yesterday she said she would come.”

“No.” Clarke says with a sigh. “If she’s not coming she’s not coming. I just wished she would’ve given me an answer instead of just not showing up.” Anya gives her a sympathetic smile, wishing things didn’t have to be so complicated for her sister and the blonde. “But don’t worry.” Clarke assures. “Sit down. Have some food. Chips, popcorn, whatever drink is left in the fridge. Everyone else has taken up the good stuff but we’re ordering pizza as soon as Bellamy gets here.” She tries giving her most convincing smile. 

Anya just watches her leave. She picked up a brownie, taking a bite as she approached Luna.

“You okay?” Niylah asks, seeing the distracted look on Clarke’s face. She nods, looking down slightly. Niylah sighs, finishing up the braid. “You don’t have to lie to me.” 

Clarke’s nods again, offering a soft smile. “I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse.” She concludes, looking down at the cellphone in her hand. “I just have to go make a quick phone call.” She says, getting up and leaving the studio, heading for the hallway where she can make the call in private. She gets annoyed when she still gets no reception. She decides best to go down to the main lobby where there is best reception. She waits for the elevator to ding, silently tapping her phone and hovering over Lexa’s number.

—-

Lexa was ready, waiting on her couch for Mercedes to come home. She had been calling her multiple times and there was no answer. She had gotten progressively annoyed with her girlfriend as time passed.

Then, all of a sudden her girlfriend walks through the door, laughing hysterically with dozens of shopping bags filled to the brim of unnecessary items the woman definitely didn’t need.

“Finally. I’ve been calling you…” Lexa stands up and sees her girlfriends walking towards the couch, dropping the six shopping bags she had carried through the door. Picking up a bright pink collar sweater with a built in plaid collar and holding it up. “What is this?”

“Oh isn’t it cute?” Mercedes asks, grabbing the shirt from her. “I bought a necklace that I think would really tie the look together.”

“So this is what you did all day while ignoring my calls?” Lexa asked, crossing her arms.

“Yes.” Mercedes answers in a  _ duh  _ style. “This morning  _ you _ forgot about going to the game you promised your little brother you’d go to his semifinals soccer match. I was helping out at my parents bakery when I got a phone call from him apologizing for bothering me before asking for a ride home. Everyone had forgotten about his game.” She says, pointedly.

“Oh my God.” Lexa says, putting her hand to her forehead. She had said she’d make an effort to go but it had completely slipped her mind.

“He was the last kid left, sitting under a tree with his coach.” Mercedes continues. “You should’ve seen how sad he looked. And his coach was trying to cheer him up. Did you know he’s his most promising athlete? He teams were neck and neck but with less than two minutes to spare he kicks in the winning shot.” Mercedes stated, looking down at her bags as she started picking them back up. “So I’m sorry if it bothers you that I spend my own money however the hell I want but I couldn't just let Aden go home sad. I tried cheering him up the best way I could. That shouldn’t be a crime.”

“You could’ve told me. Called when he did. Or at least answered my calls.” Lexa says.

“I was mad at you, Lexa.” Mercedes raises her voice. “For this morning, for Aden. Like, Jesus Christ I get Kim has always been a shit parent and Travis isn’t exactly around anymore but the poor kid has three siblings that live in the same city as him yet none were able to see him make the scoring goal.” She spits. “So yeah, I saw your calls and didn’t answer the phone. I shut it off, actually and I’m not sorry. Cus this time, you fucked up. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t us. This was all you. And I’m going to let you beat yourself up over that one because you actually deserve those voices in your head calling you a piece of shit this time.”

Lexa jaw tenses as she sees the woman walk away from her, a single tear going down her face. “I’m sorry.” She says softly.

“I don’t care for your apology, I’m not the one who needs it.” Mercedes says.

Lexa takes out her phone from her back pocket to call Aden when Mercedes stops in her tracks with a loud sigh. “Don’t worry. I didn’t forget we’re going to your friend’s thing today. I’m just going to put these clothes away and change.” She finishes, resuming her climb up the stairs.

Lexa just nods, gulping when she heard the quiet “hi” on the other side of the line. “Hey bud. I heard you scored the winning goal.”

He goes quiet for a bit, making Lexa feel more anxious. “It’s no big deal.” He dismisses.

“Of course it is.” Lexa says. “It’s not everyday that sort of thing happens. I wish I had seen it.”

“Me too.” He says. Another nerve wracking pause taking over. “But I don’t want to make you feel bad. You said you’d make an effort to come but you couldn’t. Dad’s business is a priority. Gotta make sure it’s still around for when I take over when I’m older.”

“But that’s not going to happen if-“

“If I go pro.” He finishes. “I know, I remember the  deal.” 

“The anniversary of his death is coming up.” Lexa says. The line goes silent again but she knows he’s listening. She hears the shaky breathing. “I’ll pick you up. We’ll have a fun day. The three of us will hang out and do stuff your dad liked to do. Celebrate his life, the way I know he would’ve liked.”

She hears him sniffle before he speaks. “Can it be just the two of us? I don’t want to be mean. I really like Mercedes. She’s really nice and bought me two new sneakers. Huaraches and Pumas. I’m trying them on and they look so sick!” He says. Lexa smiles, knowing how crazed that boy was with shoes. She hears him shuffle on the line and then a bed creak. “But I…”

“I get it.” Lexa says. “Just us two.”

“Okay.” He replies. “I actually have to go. Miss Indra said dinner is ready.”

“You’re not home?” Lexa asks.

“No mom’s been out all day. Anya was the one who gave me a ride to the game this morning but couldn’t stay because of a meeting she had to go to. But it’s okay. Miss Indra’s cooking is way better. Oh, and Gaia says hi.”

“Tell her I say hi too.” Lexa says. “Listen, if you need me to pick you… now or anytime… just give me a call. Even when my phone is silent I have a ringer just for you. I’m here for you. I have plans for right now but I can not go if you want me to stay.”

“I know, wait, no.” He says. “I know you’re here if I need you but I just didn’t want to bother you. It’s okay. Gaia’s been keeping me company and I talked to mom already. She was at the casino and is about an hour away so she’ll be back soon.” He assures her. “...But I really have to go now because Miss Indra keeps calling.”

“Take care of yourself.” Lexa says.

“You too.” And he hangs up.

Mercedes walks down the stairs, moving her hair to the side as she strides down, and staring at Lexa who just keeps looking at her phone. “Ready to go?”

She was. She smiled at how beautiful her girlfriend looked as she nodded and they quietly walked out the door.

It only took them five minutes to start yelling at each other again.

Mercedes slammed the car door in anger. Lexa takes the car out of the engine starter and huffs out in annoyance. “Why can’t you understand that Trikru is important to me!”

She turns around, nails digging into her purse. “As if I don’t know that?” She yells. “It’s your baby. It’s always been your number one priority. Always coming before me.”

“You’re seriously jealous of a restaurant.” Lexa says, arms crossed as she scoffs. 

“That’s not it and you know it.” Mercedes points, poking Lexa’s shoulder.

“I just don’t get why we’re still fighting over this. Can’t you let it go?” Lexa says, grabbing her girlfriend’s hand as to silently urge her to keep walking towards the building which she does.

“No, Lexa. You can’t just keep getting me mad, say your sorry, kiss me and then promise me mind blowing sex.” 

“I thought you love it when I do that.” Lexa teased, hands gripping the woman’s waist. “Or is it just that last part.” 

Mercedes seemed defeated, weakly pushing Lexa away from her then laughing when she hangs on tighter. With a deep sigh, she looks into Lexa’s eyes. “Oh it’s my favorite part… but we need to stop fixing our problems like that.” Lexa hums in agreement, ignoring the words the woman is actually speaking. “I’m serious. If we want to eventually get married, it’s not to back out. We need to fix our foundation so we can build.”

“Are you going all traveling nurse on me?” Lexa asks. The elevator door dings, opening up and revealing no one is there. She lightly shoves the woman back, pressing the 4th floor button to then return to her girlfriend. “I love it when you go all nurse on me.”

“Oh yeah?” Mercedes baits, aiding to Lexa’s lips. 

“Yeah.” Lexa hums, lifting her up. 

Mercedes cackles, tossing her head back for a moment before finding Lexa’s lips again. 

A surprised gasp shocks them and Lexa drops Mercedes on the ground. “Clarke.” Lexa whispers.

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” Clarke says, immediately trying to aid the woman on the floor.

“Oof” Mercedes says, clutching at her butt. 

Lexa finally came back to her sense, falling to her knees as she cradled the woman who had quite literally fallen for her. “Sadie, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Mercedes said, laughing to herself as she looked down. “You better make up for this later.” She says with a pointed, flirtatious look as Lexa helps her out. Fixing her blouse and tightening up her ponytail she extends her hand to Clarke. “I’m Mercedes.”

“I’m Clarke Griffin.” The woman replies, taking her hand and shaking it. 

“Oh I know quite a lot about you.” Mercedes informed. “She doesn’t really talk much about high school or the past in general but whenever she did so happen to mention any bit of her childhood, your name popped up. So i know quite a bit of info and childhood stories.” She pinches her girlfriends cheeks as she looks back at Clarke. “But enough about her. We’re here for you and your engagement. I’m so glad for you to have invited me. It’s such a pleasure to meet someone so important to Lexa. She doesn’t call just anyone her best friend!”

Mercedes puts on a big smile. A little too big, a little too convincing. Lexa had always known of the exceedingly friendly behavior Mercedes exude in social settings but the that particular moment had been  nerve wracking for her for a reason she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“You’re too sweet.” Clarke replies, faking to be equally as engaged in their conversation. “Lexa loves talking about you too.” She says with an edge of sarcasm that only Lexa and her understand. “But we should go in. I’ll introduce you to everyone,” 

The two women had been in the apartment for less than a minute and Raven was already eyeing up Mercedes. “Woah, Lexa who's the babe?” Raven asks. 

“My girlfriend.” Lexa answers, Mercedes leaning into her smiling as she always did when Lexa referred to her as such. “Mercedes Salazar.”

“Nice to meet all of you” She says while a few stray hellos echo from around the room. She moves to eye all the men in the room. Roan is the only one to stand up and offer a handshake. “You must be the groom to be.”

“Oh.” Roan laughs. “No I’m actually his uncle.”

“Has anyone actually spoken to Bellamy?” His little cousin, Ontari asks. 

“I was actually on my way to call him when I found these two.” Clarke informs. “Please, make yourselves at home I will only be one second.” And she’s out the door.

Lexa contemplates her next move in a matter of seconds. She hurriedly presses a kiss to Mercedes’ head. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, I…” But the woman is gone. So she’s makes her way towards the only recognizable faces out of the crowd and made small talk with Anya and Luna. 

Clarke feels the presence behind her. Irritated, she turns around. “What.” 

“Oh, you’re mad?” Lexa asks, turning the woman around. “Why? Because I left you all high and dry? Because I wanted to sleep with you? Whatever it is, I know for sure you don’t a have a right to be mad.”

“You don’t talk to me like that.” Clarke challenges. “And don’t mention… that.”

“Because nothing happened, right?” Lexa spit back. “Geez Clarke. You’re worse than you were in high school!”

“Is that so?” Clarke sasses.

“No. At least high school you flat out rejected me. I can’t deal with this hot and cold thing you’ve started. It’s old and I would like to believe we’re beyond that.”

“You rejected being maid of honor.” Clarke says. “And over text.”

“You couldn’t seriously have been asking me to be your maid of honor. That’s insane!” Lexa ridicules. “It’s bad enough I have to be a bridesmaid but I can’t help you plan the day you marry off some other guy when…” She cuts herself off.

“When what?” Lexa stays quiet and Clarke presses the issue. “What, Lexa?”

“When I want you too.” She confesses.

Clarke was angry. She was furious. How dare she say something of the sort. She was planning on letting Lexa know just how angry she felt when her eyes flicker down to her lips. “Nonononono.” Clarke thinks, knowing she’s been caught. And it sucks. It is absolutely awful. Because although her own pain was beyond her control, Lexa’s was being caused by her. And it made Clarke feel so much worse. 

Lexa licks her own lips then bites the bottom, simply watching Clarke reminiscently. Remembering in each and every detail just how those lips feel against her own. 

Clarke was the one who moved forward, stepping towards Lexa, getting right up into her face. “That’s,” She says, shaking off her gaze on Lexa’s lips and looking back into her eyes. “Not fair.” 

Lexa looks down, head inching closer as their breaths mingle. “It’s the truth.”

“I’m engaged, Lexa.” Clarke shakes her head. “You don’t get that? Even if I want you, I can’t have you.”

Lexa’s words get caught in her throat as Clarke’s face pales. Realizing the implications of Clarke’s words, she tip toes around asking the one question that is on her mind. “Do you?” She finally asks. “Want me?”

Clarke closes her eyes, sighing in a therapeutic sense as if trying to calm her nerves. “Does it even matter?”

“It does.” Lexa assures her, backing her towards the wall with every step she took until Clarke’s back was against the hard surface. “Your honest answer means everything me to.” She says, resting a hand on Clarke’s waist as she pulled them together, breathing in her scent. “And the thing is? I don’t need you to answer.” She presses a kiss to Clarke’s cheek. “The way you’re shaking.” She presses another kiss but this time to her jaw. “And the way your legs parted as soon as you hit the wall… They’re all answer enough.”

Clarke feels the hot flash of heat start in the bottom of her stomach. It quickly spread to the rest of her body. She became painfully aware of just how alone, and most importantly, how close the two were. “We can’t. Think about Mercedes.” She pleads.

Lexa snaps out of it, pushing away from Clarke and putting a hand to her forehead. What was she doing? Why was Clarke still able to get under her skin without ever trying. Would she forever be her weakness? Her forbidden fruit?

With a loud ding, the elevator opens, Revealing a sweaty Bellamy still in his work clothes. “Oh, hi ladies.” He smiles at both of them, giving Clarke a peck on the lips. “Future wife.” He acknowledges. “What are you doing out here.”

Clarke panics for a second, going blank until it comes to her. “I was going to call you. It was getting late and I hadn’t heard from you.”

“Oh I know, I should’ve called.” Bellamy sighs, wiping the sweat away from his forehead. “But they offered me two more hours of overtime and with all the bills we’ve got and know will come, I had to accept.” He says. “But let's get this party started.” He reveals the champagne he was holding behind his back. “Shall we?”

—-

“Thank you everyone for coming.” Starts up, holding high her glass of champagne. “I know a lot of you are confused as to the specifics of why you’re all here.” She pauses and Bellamy chooses to speak.

“We’d like to personally thank you guys. You’re our friends and we could not imagine our special day without all of you.” He adds.

“So this is to all of us.” Clarke holding her glass of champagne up high. “One last party before we have to get to work, and organizing the big day.” She says with a forced smile.

“Bridesmaids meeting is here next week at 6 by the way. Can everyone make it?” Niylah says. Raven, Anya, Lexa And Luna nod. “Perfect. I will have to call Octavia to ask.” She looks back at Clarke who nods at her.

“Has anyone seen O?” Bellamy asks.

“Speaking of the devil.” Raven says with a smile, being the first one to notice Octavia and Lincoln giggling, walking through the door hand-in-hand.

“Lincoln? Since when were are you-” Bellamy asks, cutting himself off as he focuses on his little sister. “Where were you?”

“This should be good.” Murphy whispers to Raven as he sinks in deeper into the couch; an amused expression on his face.

Octavia grins, holding up her hand. “Catching up with mY FIANCÉ.”

Raven jumps up from the couch, shrieking as she jumped up and down, hugging the girl.

“Oh my God!” Clarke says, going in to hug the girls who were laughing in excitement.

“Wait, what the fuck?” Bellamy asks in denial. “I didn’t even know you two were serious.” Looking at Roan, he asks. “Did he ask you for her hand?” To which Roan shrugs.

“No one does that anymore.” Octavia said with an eye roll.

“I did that.” Bellamy defends, holding up Clarke’s hand. “I just did that.”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t do things in the way you would have liked but I’ve been from country to country doing promotional interviews for a movie I’m in yet all I could think about was that there was a good woman waiting for me back at home.” Lincoln takes Octavia’s hands into his own, looking deeply at her before looking back at her big brother. “I know you don’t particularly like me or my unstable line of work but know that I love your sister. I hope you could understand that I just could not imagine living another day without putting a ring on it.” Looking back at her, they smile. “She is my future.”

“Aww.” Jasper cooed, to then look at Monty, pretending to puke.

“I love you.” Octavia she said, pecking Lincoln’s lips. Turning her attention back to the group, she cheers. “Let’s get this party started, bitches!”

And they did. Hours passed and the group of friends talked and drank. Anya had accidentally eaten an edible and it had been quite a show. Raven was cackling like crazy as Luna and Roan tried to shut her up. People came and went until a smaller group was left. 

“Okay! I’m almost done with my beer and kind of bored.” She looks at Clarke with a lazy grin. “No offense.” She says before continuing her thought. “So who wants to play some good old fashioned Truth or Dare?” She smirks, looking around the room at the remaining group which consisted of Clarke, Monty, Jasper, Niylah, Anya, Lexa, Mercedes, Bellamy, and Murphy.

What had sucked the most was that everyone was a least a tipsy at this point, some very much more than others, but overall inebriated. So filters flew out the door, Raven made sure of it.

“I don’t want anyone to be a prude. If you’re playing, we’re going all in. No lame ‘tell me your favorite color’ or ‘I dare you to sing the alphabet’. Go big or go home."

“Or take a shot!” Jasper adds, shaking the half empty bottle of moonshine. 

“Exactly!” She says. “Y’all in?” After a stray of hesitant nods and yeses from Anya, Lexa, Clarke, Jasper, Bellamy, and one ‘fuck it’ from Murphy. She chugs down the remains of her bottle and hands it to the most enthusiastic participant. 

Murphy happily spins the bottle, thrilled to have had it land on Clarke. Without a second thought he says, “So… innocent, lovely, slightly prudish princess…” He smirks. “Ever had a threesome?”

“Murphy!” Bellamy scolds, looking at Clarke and putting a hand on her knee. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“Yes.” Clarke says, looking at Niylah whose face is red as she looks back down. She grabs the bottle and is ready to spin when her fiancé interrupts her.

Bellamy is wide eyed, looking at her in surprise. “Who? When?”

“I remember this story.” Raven snickers, leaning into Murphy’s side with a sheepish grin.

Clarke feels herself starting to get red and flustered at the memory. “That-that wasn’t the question.”

“Who was it?” Murphy whispers to the woman next to her but she shakes her head. 

She watched the bottle spin and land on Anya when she whispers back. “Time will tell.”

A couple of turns go by and they’re not too crazy. Anya takes two shots, Bellamy shirtlessly bench presses Murphy, Murphy gets a nose hair plucked out by Raven, Raven strips down to her white sports bra and matching white boy shorts, Luna takes a shot and Jasper is dared to go streaking down the building hallway, take a selfie nude and send it to his mom, and put ice down his underwear. 

It was Raven’s turn when the bottle landed on Lexa for the first time that game. “Are you a pillow princess?”

“Oh God no!” Lexa dismisses.

“Seriously?” Raven asked, in disbelief. “I’m sorry. I just got that bottom vibe.”

“Don’t be sorry. Being a pillow princess isn’t a bad thing.” Lexa assures. “It’s just not me.”

“Right.” Raven says. “I slept with a girl my sophomore year in high school. It was the absolute worst. Zero out of ten. Do not recommend.”

“I don’t mind.” Niylah adds. “I like putting in the extra work. It’s sort of an issue I have with my wife.”

“Two tops? That’s got to be interesting.” Raven says, voice deepening as she finishes. “Hot.”

“I’ve never slept with one.” Murphy shrugs.

“You never get laid as it is.” Raven jokes, smiling at the way Murphy mumbles the softest ‘shut up’ she had ever heard.

“Um… I can’t be the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on.” Bellamy laughs. “What’s a pillow princess?” 

“The...  _ submissive _ in the relationship.” Clarke tries explaining.

“No. More like submissive to the extreme!” Raven shouts. “Try, laying there barely even moving as you do your thang for them to just turn over and call it a night when you’re done. No reciprocation. Leaving you high and dry while they give a cold shoulder every single time.”

“Oh, Clarke’s kind of like that.” Bellamy adds.

Lexa’s eyes widen at that statement, looking at Clarke as she sinks into her spot on the couch.

“What?” Raven asks in a high pitched voice. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Just a little.” He says. “I do most of the work and she rarely engages.” He says. “It’s not that she doesn’t like it. She’s just quiet and not too engaged.”

“Hmmm.” Murphy says, unconvinced. 

“No seriously. “ Bellamy continues. “There are women who moan a lot in bed and others that just aren’t vocal and she’s always been the later.” He defends. “Tell them, Clarke.” 

Clarke finally breaks eye contact with Lexa, looking at everyone as she reddens even more. “Do we really have to talk about what sounds I make in bed?”

“Or lack of.” Murphy adds and gets elbowed by Raven. 

“Allegedly.” Raven defends.

The banter in the room shifts as everyone starts laughing. Well… everyone but Clarke and Lexa.

Their eyes were locked on each other in their own little bubble, up until Clarke broke eye contact, momentarily shifting in her seat as Mercedes leaned more into Lexa’s side, giving her a peck on the cheek. Lexa smiles at her girlfriend when she looked at her. She looks up and her eyes meet with Clarke’s again. Clarke immediately looks away again but Lexa’s eyes linger on hers. Mercedes notices how Lexa’s heart rate skippens. She perches her head up to see Lexa’s eyes; following her line of sight she sees her looking at Clarke with soft eyes. Eyes she thought were reserved just for her. A sickening feeling lurched in her stomach. She did not like it one bit.

“Imagine sleeping with someone like that?” Mercedes laughed, leaning in closer to Lexa. 

“Sadie…” Lexa says, softly. She hums as she looks at her, the buzz from her beer causing her hazed expression. “I do.”

“What?” Mercedes thought, thinking of the implications if she was following her train of thought. Realizing what Lexa was actually referring to, her anger switched to realization. “That’s not entirely true.” She tries defending.

Niylah and Monty laugh quietly to themselves and Jasper stifles a snort. Murphy tries hiding his laugh as a cough and Raven covers her face as she snickers to herself.

“You never reciprocate.” Lexa says. “It doesn’t bother me.” She assures. “It’s just… frustrating sometimes.”

“But you act like you don’t orgasm. We always cum together” Mercedes defends. “Me from you doing me and you from watching.” Anya couldn’t help it, she started laughing, clapping and all. Unable to contain her laughter. “She does!” Mercedes whines. “She says it’s more of a mental thing than anything else.” She looks at her girlfriend who was quietly playing with her fingers as Mercedes continued to speak. “Oh my God, you’re faking it?” She yells, hitting Lexa on the arm.

Raven flat out cackles at this point, getting a dirty pointed look by Bellamy while Clarke is too engaged in their conversation to even acknowledge it.

“Of course she’s faking it.” Anya says after the long moment of silence. Everyone’s head turns to hers. “Lexa is amazing. She really is a great kid. Strong, talented, assertive, you name it. But when it comes to her sex drive? Let’s just say I lived with her when she was a crazy  _ whore _ monal teenager and let me tell you. Her search history still haunts me to this day.” She shutters. “So yeah she fakes it.”

“Lexa! I can’t believe you never said anything. I’m so mad at you!” Mercedes whined, feeling embarrassed in front of the group of people she had just met.

“Don’t be.” Lexa tells her, trying to soothe her as she touches her hair but the woman moves away from her touch. She sighs. “I like being intimate with you but I know that reciprocation just isn’t your thing and I respect that.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Mercedes yells, feeling her face redden in embarrassment. She grabbed her handbag, taking out the car keys as she prepared to storm out.

“You don’t have to leave, Mercedes. It’s all just fun and games.” Clarke says. “We loved having you.” She shouts but to no use. She’s already up and out the door.

“What was on her search history?” Jasper asked Anya.

“The grossest things I’ve ever seen.” Anya said in disgust. “I don’t even want to remember.”

“Oh come on.” Murphy says. “You gotta tell us  _ something _ .”

“Among the least gross…” Anya starts. “There was just typical lesbian porn. Usually straight college chicks ‘experimenting’. Whatever that means.” She adds. “All tall blondes with spray tans and fake boobs. You know the type I’m talking about.”

“Anya!” Lexa yells in shock.

“Oh please.” Anya says with an eye roll. “Don’t pretend you don’t have a type.”

“Oh my God, I love this woman.” Raven says with a laugh. “Why can’t you always be this fun?” 

“Cus I don’t drink often.” She says with a hiccup. “I don’t like to because I’m a lightweight and talk a little too much. Always in honesty. I tend to reveal secrets sober me would kill me for saying. Not to mention no one warned me that was a pot brownie.” She says, looking at Luna and laughing to herself. “Remember the time Lexa and you were in your middle school talent show and…” She stops herself, leaning her head back as she started laughing even harder.

“That’s enough, Anya.” Luna says, taking away the woman’s beer. “I think I should take you home.”

“What? No! She’s was going to tell us a story!” Raven pouts, causing the girl to smile childishly, chin tilted down and shoulders raised. Raven noticed how cute the woman looked.

“Yeah and she’s going to be horrified tomorrow morning. If she even remembers anything.” 

“What? No… I’ll have you know I…” Anya starts saying as her head dozes back. “I for one…” And her eyes close, soft snores soon following suit. Luna sighs, bending down and grabbing the woman’s arm to carry over her shoulder in one swift movement. 

“Wow you’re strong.” Raven says in awe. Moments later, she snaps out of it as she looks back to the woman’s face. Luna was smiling at her. Raven usually never felt embarrassed when caught checking someone out but this time, her cheeks brightened to an neutral pink. “Do you um… need help?”

“I’ve got her.” Luna smiles back, seeing the Latina’s once brass demeanor transition to a nervous stance. Finding it endearing she accepts the help. “But I could use a hand. If you could come with and open a few doors?”

“Of course!” Raven says and she jumps up to her feet.

Murphy turns to Monty and Jasper. “Ten bucks says she’s not coming back up.”

Jasper nods, snickering to himself but Monty was stumped on the technicality of the wager. “Is that ten each? Or five and five?” Monty asks.

“It’s just an expression.” Murphy says with an eye roll. “Forget I even said it.”

“I think I’m going to head out as well.” Niylah says, getting up from her spot on the edge of the couch. “I will call you tomorrow so we can plan things one on one, let me know exactly what you have in mind for the big day.”

Clarke nods, smiling. “Of course.”

“Oh, and Clarke?” She says, holding her right and whispering in her ear. “You can tell them the threesome story. I don’t mind and you know Scarlett has no shame.”

Clarke laughs, stopping to pull Niylah by the hands and intertwining them with hers. “Thank you so much.” She smiles, a sudden sadness evident in her eyes. “For this. For everything.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Niylah plays with her hair. “You just take care of yourself, take care of your kid, and hopefully with a few phone calls and meetings I will be able to handle the rest.” She looks down at her watch. “I should really go now. It’s late and I know Scarlett I waiting up for me although she’s just coming home from a double shift.” She gives Clarke a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight.”

There's a long pause interrupted by Murphy’s impatience. “It’s your turn.” He tells Lexa. She nods and spins the bottle.

Everyone was expecting Murphy to bring up the threesome again but it was to their surprise when the bottle Lexa spun landed on Clarke. She looks deep into the woman’s eyes, as she speaks. “Tell us the threesome story.”

After an intense stare session, Clarke nods.

“Yes!” Murphy exclaims. Pumping his fist up as he nods enthusiastically.

“It was freshman year. I had yet to accept myself…  _ sexuality _ wise when I slept with Niylah and her girlfriend.”

“Niylah?” Bellamy asks.

“Girlfriend?” Lexa chokes up from her cup of water.

Clarke eyes end up on the woman once again and nods. “I came out end of freshman year.” She says out loud but it felt like she was only saying it to one person. “I had known Niylah since she was my TA in English 101. I didn’t think I’d see her at a college party. Much less that she had a very… helpful girlfriend when it came to questions regarding my sexuality.” She looks down, feeling her face get even hotter as she laughed nervously. “And then she asked me, right then and there, if I wanted Niylah and her to help try and see if I liked it.”

“Just like that?” Murphy asked, astonished.

“Just like that.” Clarke answered. “We were all drunk when it happened. I had stumbled out of their apartment  in the middle of the night and never looked back. My boyfriend at the time, Finn, had called me saying he wanted me back and we made up. It was still a few more months until I actually came out.” She explained. “I never talked about it again until now and I only did because Niylah gave me the okay.”

“So nothing happened between you guys after that?” Bellamy asked. “Ever?”

“Nope.” Clarke answers. “She was just the first girl I slept with. And even though it was hot, they determined they didn’t really like the thought of a third person in their relationship and like I said, I had Finn. There was no need or desire of anything more.”

“Well.” Murphy says, trying to stand up but then falling back. Fighting in one spot until he was finally able to stand. “Now that I heard the story, I can finally go home, I am tired!” He yawned, grabbing onto Bellamy for stability.

“Woah man, you’re beyond drunk.” Bellamy says, taking in his wasted scent. He looks over at Clarke. “I’m going to drive him home then head to Abby’s and relieve her of babysitting duties. It’s already very late as it is and Madi has school tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll stay and clean up.” She says with a sad smile. “Anyone want to stay and help?”

“Uh...” Jasper stalls, trying to come up with some lie but then giving up. “And I’d stay but I really don’t want to.” He stumbles on his way to the door. “Mont, you coming?”

“Sorry.” Monty says. “He’s sort of my only ride home. Harper took the car.”

Clarke grins to him softly. “It’s okay. I guess I’ll just clean everything up by myself. Again.” He gives her a sympathetic smile and nod as he heads his way out.

“I’ll stay.” Lexa says.

“You don’t have to.” Clarke dismisses.

“I know.” Lexa says, picking up a few empty trays and following Clarke to the kitchen area. “But I might as well help out.” She shrugs. “Not really in the mood to rush home just to end up fighting anyways.”

Clarke nods, allowing the woman to help her. They both go on to cleaning their own way. There’s an easy quietness that follows as they finish up. It’s nice…  _ peaceful _ . Clarke thinks, smiling to herself as she starts to vacuum the stray crumbs from the carpet.

It isn’t until they get exhausted that they take a break, crashing on the couch. Lexa leans back with an arm stretched out on the back outer part of the couch. Clarke does so as well. She leans into Lexa, snuggling up on her side. Lexa plays with the piece of hair in Clarke’s face and then massages her head. Clarke’s tense body finally relaxes with a deep exhale. She really liked the way Lexa’s fingers felt through her hair. Before she knew it, a small moan escaped her lips. 

“He doesn’t make you moan the way I do.” Lexa says. She doesn’t ask because she already knows the truth. 

“And Mercedes doesn’t satisfy you the way I would.” Clarke counters back. There’s a gleam in her eyes that truly get to her.

Lexa tilts her head up and down, slowly. Imagining what it would be like if Clarke ever allowed her to go beyond that point. She keeps going, her fingers going rougher at first and then slower as they work through her tangles. “Touché.”

Clarke momentarily closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling. She’s painfully aware of how alone they are. “Lexa, we should call it a night.” She says, regret laced in her voice. “We’ve both got someone waiting for us at home.”

“You’re right.” She answers, tilting her linger closer to the woman who looks down at her lips for a split second before maintaining eye contact. “But you haven’t moved away.” Clarke considers moving, she’s looking down as she starts to shuffle away. Lexa stops her by pulling her hair. An “ah” escapes from the blonde’s lips, feeling overwhelmed by the sensation. 

“Don’t you dare.” Lexa expels authoritatively. She sees the fear in Clarke’s eyes. She see the crossroad the woman is at. A crossroad she just crossed. “Tell me to go and I will leave you alone for the rest of your life. I can pretend nothing's ever happened and never mention any of this like Niylah’s never mentioned that threesome. Interesting story by the way.” Lexa says with a hit of bitterness in her tone. “Or…” She shakily traces the outline of Clarke’s lips with a finger. “You can kiss me.”

Clarke takes a quick inhale, it’s quite sharp and catches her by surprise. She’s burning from the delicate touch the woman gives her. It started on just the lips but it quickly took over her body. She could barely think as is. “Kiss me.” Lexa repeats. “You want to tell me you don’t.” She notices. “Your eyes look torn.” In a hard whisper, almost growl-like she says, “But those lips… Clarke, you’re going to have to kick me out right now.” She warns. “There’s so much I want to do to you.” A hand digs into Clarke’s thigh as she closes her eyes trying very hard to refrain from her actions. “Decide.”

Clarke caves.

Hunger strikes as she lurches forward, crashing their lips in a tight haze. It’s sloppy and uncoordinated but just what Lexa needed. Clarke was being rough and she didn’t care. Forcing her shoulder down with a shove, Lexa lays down flat on the couch. She sees how dazed Clarke looks. Wild eyes followed by matted hair.  _ Inebriated _ . Yet Clarke was in control. She wanted this. And Lexa was beyond the point of no return. She knew it was what her body needed so she ignored whatever the voices in her head were saying and gave in to her deepest desire. 

Lexa’s pants were being pulled down in an instant. She couldn’t even explain how hot she found Clarke but the determined look she had in her face mixed with the satisfaction of knowing she had her under her control was doing things to her she didn’t even know were possible. By the time Clarke got her panties, they were soaked. 

Coating her finger with arousal, Clarke grazes the slit of Lexa’s sex. “Someone’s excited.” She says with a smirk. She brings her own finger to her lips, tasting the mix of sweet and sour on her tongue. “Guess I should get to work.”

Lexa breaths become shallow as her head is spinning. Moans coming out left and right as Clarke pushes in and out of her with sharp, deep thrusts. She’s scratching onto any available piece of skin, wanting to feel the Clarke’s hot skin on her.

“I like that.” She whispers, leaning her forehead against Lexa’s. 

“Hm?” Lexa asks, barely having paid attention to what Clarke had said. Her eyes barely open as she tries focusing on her face but it’s hard. Especially when her mind is clouded with the thoughts of what she really wants to do to Clarke on her couch.

“The noises you make.” Clarke says, nipping at Lexa’s neck. Lexa sucks her bottom lip in as her breath hitches. “I like them.” She presses a quick peck to her lips. “I want to hear you.” And then she’s leaving an opened mouth trail down her chest as she unbuttons her black shirt. 

“Clarke… I.” But Clarke shushed her with a kiss. She pulls away, gasping. “Clarke I need you too st-UHH!” She screams, momentarily blinded but hot white light. It takes her a second to breathe and fully acknowledge what had happened. 

“Lexa did you just…” She doesn’t finish the question because she already knew.

Lexa felt embarrassed. She didn’t mean to come so fast but by the way Clarke lips curled, she knew it had done wonders to her ego. She didn’t know what to expect from the woman when she felt soft lips against her own.

It was the most delicate taste, making Lexa’s knees tremble. Kissing the woman once again, regaining energy and strength, Clarke flips them over. She sucks in Lexa’s bottom lip, engulfing the moan that escapes. “You’re so lovely.” Moving a hand lower, towards her sweet spot, Lexa parts her legs. Watching the woman’s eyes as her fingers played with her lips once again. 

Lexa whimpers, her still sensitive in her core yet already aching to be touched by her again. “You’re going to be the end of me.” She growls. 

Clarke hums, drawing out slow circles, two fingers on her clit as she kissed the woman’s neck. “At least you’ll go out with a bang.” Lexa smiles, her head tilting back as she laughed. Another gleam appeared in Clarke’s eyes as she saw the woman fully nude, clinging onto her, yet her expression so carefree. “You’re so beautiful.”

If she was embarrassed before, she ashamed now. Clarke was kissing her lips, and it had made her entire body tingle. She tried holding back for as long as she could but the climax was already building inside of her again. It was only a matter of seconds until she came again. Clarke had somehow noticed this. Pulling Lexa’s leg back, she switches the angle, plunging two fingers in and out of the woman. It only took two more strokes and Lexa was done for. Her entire body shook for what felt like forever. Her eyes were tightly shut as she felt the feelings overpower her. She had to lay there for a few minutes as to recover. Clarke placing kisses all over her body in the meantime. 

“You broke me.” Lexa says, plain and simple as her eyes remained closed.

“So much for making me moan.” Clarke says sarcastically.

Opening her eyes to seeing Clarke’s playful smirk gave her all the motivation she needed. Finding her strength, she flips them over, straddling the woman’s hips in one quick movement. “Don’t taunt me, Clarke.” She warns, unbuttoning the woman’s blouse. “You don’t want me to get mad and play rough.” She warns.

“Maybe I like it rough.” Clarke grins mischievously. It makes Lexa growl, pushing her into action.

Clothes are being teared off. Little trails of bites and scratches make themselves known on Clarke’s skin as Lexa loses control. She’s blinded by her lustful need to make Clarke feel her. Subconsciously taking possession over Clarke’s body. With one quick spit, she wettened her fingers. Her lips latched onto a specific area just under Clarke’s ear as she inserted her fingers inside of the woman. Words of encouragement spurred her on as Lexa kept pumping in and out of her.

“Ooo, ooo, ooo” Clarke said with every hard thrust. It had taken Clarke much longer but soon enough Lexa felt her clenching around her fingers. Clarke’s hair was now matted against her flushed face; she could barely steady her hips. Lexa was enjoying the show but opting to take pity on her girl, hooks an from up and under Clarke to pull her up by her waist as she curls her fingers. 

“Ah!” Clarke yelped. It’s louder and higher pitched than she usually was, she thinks but doesn’t dwell on that thought for long. Lexa is kissing her. No. Engulfing would be more accurate. 

Lexa’s engulfing Clarke’s mouth in a desperate frenzy, needing to know she was the one making her feel this way. She was going rougher while curling her fingers. Clarke was at the brink, she knew, and she wanted to make it unforgettable. She noticed how hard Clarke’s insides tightened around her fingers when she hit at a particular patch of skin. Targeting that area, she continued her assault, loving the way Clarke pulled her close.

Lexa was in awe. Clarke’s breathing had gotten so quick then it almost stopped. She let out an unintelligible phrase as she felt her body about to explode. There were pain and pleasures in her kiss as honey dripped out from her lips. And Lexa would be damned if she didn’t get her golden kiss.

The entire view was truly breathtaking. With every lick she gave Clarke heaved. The soft, barely audible moans, spurred her on further. She made love to her sex with her entire mouth. Tongue and lips meeting over and over again while her nose teased her clit. It was all suddenly too much for Clarke. Her gentle hip rolling had turned into full on thrusts. Her hands clenched the sheets with a great desperation as her soft moans transitioned to breathless swears. And her thighs? Well those were shakily hugging Lexa’s head, trapping her in that one spot as if there were any other place she’d rather be.

All the darkness was dulled for the briefest of moments but it was all Clarke could’ve asked from her. Every shade of black, gray and blue transitioned and like a ball of fire explode from within her core. Orange, yellows, pinks, and purples erode from within until everything became bright. If all for a second, she reached ultimum peace. It was while she could feel herself weep, an awakening of sorts. It was when Clarke realized that this very woman had ruined her for anyone else.

How were they suppose to stay away now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek what to say i'm on four hours of sleep and have been up for almost 30 hours now but I hope you guys liked the chapter. It was wicked long but also wicked late. Welp. Kudos, comments, bookmarks and all that jazz is grately appreciated! I love all of you babes but ima go now and try to catch some zzzs.
> 
> QPTD: What you guys think about the Aden inclusion. Good? Bad? Irrelevant? Lemme know
> 
> PS: WHAT EVEN WAS THE ENDING TO SEASON 5 I'VE BEEN SOBBING FOR YEARS ASNSLJDHSLl


	5. Dresses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies go dress shopping while the guys go do whatever the grooms court does when the gals go shopping. Low key Clexa angst that ain’t that low key. Sea Mechanic ship is totally afloat, minor Linctavia is implied, references to Doctor Mechanic added in for a teeny bit more angst cus I love their dynamic. Madi being adorable and Anya just be knowing, ya know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took absolutely forever. Dad hasn’t been feeling too good lately and was hospitalized all last week and until today so he’s out now and better. Which means I don’t have to sleep in uncomfy hospital chairs and dad can finally rest up in his own bed which is a plus. Anyways, here’s a shorter than usual update to make up for my impromptu hiatus. Once again, thanks for reading, loves. Every notification from here brings me joy ❤️

“I can’t believe he called you a pillow princess.” Raven says, taking a handful of popcorn into her mouth from her spot of the kitchen counter as she watches Clarke paint in the living room. 

“That was weeks ago.” Clarke huffs, dipping her paintbrush in the water to dilute the black paint. 

“I know it’s just… comforting to know I’m not the only one having trouble in paradise.” Raven sighs, swinging her good leg back and forth. 

Clarke rolls her eyes, opting to stop painting since she was sure Raven wouldn’t stop talking to let her paint anytime soon. “I’m going to disregard your insinuation as to my sex life and get right to the part where I ask you about Luna, you deny this has anything to do with her, I keep pressing and you begrudgingly yet totally appreciatively tell me what’s going on.”

Raven meets Clarke’s eyes, then the paintbrush that was pointed at her. She purses her lips as she takes a deep breath. “Got any beer?”

About two hours later the two women were laughing, feelings that bubbly buzz that comes along with drinking 2-3 beers on a mostly stomach. Clarke had decided to join her on the counter as they continued to eat popcorn.

“Honestly though. Luna’s great.” Raven says with a smile. “She’s awesome and caring in a way that doesn’t make me feel smothered. I’m comfortable with her. She’s a real catch.”

Clarke smiles, feeling happy for her best friend but when she looks at her she finds a tinge of sadness and it bothers her. “But?”

Raven sighs, putting her beer down. “I’m sort of hung up on someone else.”

“Who?” Clarke asks, intrigued. “Shaw? Wick?” 

“No…” Raven hesitates. “They were a fun pastime but I couldn’t see myself having an actual relationship with either of them.” She informs.

“The married woman.” Clarke states. “You haven’t been able to get over her, have you?”

Raven looks down at her drink in disappointment, finding it empty. She shakes her head, looking back up at Clarke. “She’s stuck in my head, Clarke. I try to stay away but the moment she calls me, saying her husbands not home I run to her. No matter how many times we call it off, I always come back. It’s pathetic.” She momentarily rests her head in her hands before looking back up with newfound strength. “But I’ll get over it, right? It’s not like it’s love.” Raven laughs softly.

“Right.” Clarke agreed, though not too convinced. Deciding to change the topic of conversation, she says, “Have you heard from Octavia?”

“No. But I bet she’s probably having mind blowing sex with her fiancé right about now.” 

“Raven, seriously?” Clarke chuckles.

“What?” Raven asks, raising her voice. “I bet you 20 bucks she’ll walk through that door a little late with a half-assed apology, messed up hair and a cocky grin.” She states, then adding “Pun intended.”

Clarke smiles, shaking her head. “Can you not say something indecent for five minutes?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just…” Raven pauses, trying to find the right words to say. “I’ve been very frustrated lately.” 

“What, Luna not satisfying your needs?” Clarke jokes, poking Raven’s side.

“It’s been three weeks and we haven’t slept together.” Raven whines.

“What?” Clarke asks, recalling the group’s first meeting. “But I thought…”

“We didn’t have sex.” Raven answered. “Something about waiting to develop an emotional connection before allowing ourselves to formulate that bond physically.”

“What does that even mean?” Clarke wonders aloud.

“Beats me.” Raven says. “She can be such a fucking hippie sometimes.”

Clarke looks at her friend, a small smile forming on her lips. “You’re going to wait it out aren’t you?” Raven blushes as she nods. “You really like this girl don’t you.” She states

“Yeah.” Raven says, surprising herself as she acknowledges out loud. “I think I do.”

“Good.” Clarke says. “Luna’ll be good for you. Make you forget you ever had feelings for the married woman.”

“Yeah.” Raven says, seeing the text thread she’s had between herself and Abby, hovering a finger over the delete contact icon. “I hope you’re right.” She says, finally pressing the button and putting her phone back in her pocket, a content smile present on her face.

It wasn’t long until all the bridesmaids showed up. They were all seated on the couch, talking among one another as they waited for the last three people to show up.

Abby was talking to Niylah as Madi sat in her lap while Raven spoke to Luna, joking and flirting to one another. Anya on the other hand was listening to Clarke explain what it was that she wanted from the bridesmaids. “I don’t really care for what design you girls want your dresses as long as they’re all the same shade of rosewood pink and of similar le-” She stopped speaking as she saw the green-eyed brunette walk through the door.

Lexa looks around a few seconds before finding Clarke. Clarke held her breath as they made eye contact, holding their stare until Lexa backs down, giving a small smile and looking away. Aden walks in by her side, immediately spotting Madi and going over to talk.

She didn’t notice Anya had watched the whole exchange. “You should talk to her.” She says.

“Hmm?” Clarke asks, trying to remember what she was talking about with Anya beforehand. 

“Lexa.” Anya states, quickly grabbing the blonde’s attention. “You should talk to her.”

“What?” Clarke asks, getting flustered and slightly defensive. “Why would I need to talk to her?”

“Listen.” Anya says in a serious tone. “I don’t know what changed between you two and frankly, I don’t care. It’s not my business.” She states, clarifying her stance. “That being said, Lexa’s well-being is my business. I know Lexa and she’s not okay.”

“How do you know that has anything to do with me?” Clarke asks nervously.

Anya’s eyebrows skyrocket in both sass and amusement. “That question alone is proof enough that it has everything to do with you.” She answers. “Plus, I talked to Mercedes and she says Lexa’s been distant lately and doesn’t know why.”

Mercedes. Clarke thought. Another person she had hurt due to the impromptu infidelity.

“Whatever happened between you two, you can come back from it. Before any romantic feelings developed, you were friends. Remember that.”

“Who said anything about romantic feelings?” Clarke asks defensively.

“Your eyes, Clarke.” Anya deadpans, watching the way she keeps glancing in Lexa’s direction. “You keep looking at her the way she looked at you in high school. The same way you looked at her in middle school.” She says with a slight softness to her tone. “You both always loved each other just… not exactly in the same way at the same time.”

Clarke didn’t know how to respond and luckily, she didn’t have to. Their chat was interrupted by Octavia bursting through the room, hair ruffled and uneven as she announced her arrival. “Sorry I’m late, guys. I was… uh… doing something.”

Lincoln appeared through the door seconds later, a mischievous smirk on his face. “I’m something.” He announces. He gives Octavia a peck on the lips then hands something to her. “You left your phone.” He whispers in her ear. “Lets go Aden.” He announces, Lexa giving the young teen a quick goodbye. 

“I know, listen to Lincoln, keep my phone on, don’t wander around. I know the drill, I’m not a little kid.” He tells Lexa. She smiles ruffling his hair. “Bye ladies.” 

Everyone says their shares of goodbyes while Raven holds out her hand expectantly as she waits for Clarke to hand her her twenty.

It’s been awhile since the group arrived at the bridal salon. The bridesmaids were looking through the designer dresses, pondering what dress they wanted. They had agreed on an above the knee length so everyone else was out looking for their dress. Clarke and Abby had been helping Madi look at dresses. They were talking while waiting for Madi to finish changing into her junior bridesmaid dress.

“I wanted to ask you, how’s Raven doing?” 

“Um, she’s okay I think. Her leg still hurts but she’s dealing with it. Why do you ask?” Clarke asks curiously.

“No reason.” Abby fumbles a bit, looking for her words. “I’ve been treating her for her leg. She doesn’t seem to be showing much progress but I was asking more emotional wise. She’s trying to be strong but I know her inability to move her leg like she use to must weigh on her.”

“Mom, really I think she’s okay.” Clarke informs. “I’ve talked to her and yeah it hurts her but she’s been keeping her mind occupied.” 

“Is that so?” Abby asks, not quite convinced. “And what is she occupying it with if I may ask?”

Clarke thinks, looking around and finding no one around them. She leans forward, keeping her voice quiet as she speaks. “Between you and me,” She whispers. “Raven’s been seeing Luna.”

“Luna?” Abby asks, raising her voice. Clarke motions for her to quiet down. “Your bridesmaid, Luna?” 

Clarke nods, shooting her head over to the side towards the two. They were both barely even looking at dresses as they talked to each other. Abby follows her gaze, smiling softly as she watches Raven do that thing with her nose as she laughs. “Aren’t they cute?”

Abby nods, momentarily looking at her daughter as she spoke. Taking in a deep breath. “Well, I hope this Lena woman makes her happy.” She concludes, not taking her eyes off the latina. “Raven deserves some happiness.”

“I agree.” Clarke answers back. Just then, Madi walks out of the dressing room with a frown. The dress looked beautiful on the child but it didn’t fit quite right. 

“I like it but it doesn’t fit.” Madi says with a frown.

Clarke laughs as Abby gets up and goes to the child.

“Not funny, mom.” Madi huffs.

“Your mother’s just teasing.” Abby tells Madi. “Come. Let’s go find you a bigger size.”

And the two are off, looking for another size dress. Seeing as she had a few minutes to herself, Clarke takes the spare time and goes on Instagram. She’s a few minutes into liking and scrolling when she hears Lexa’s voice.

“Anya.” She says from one of the dressing rooms. Clarke stands, walking closer to the voice. “Anya!” Lexa repeats, this time louder. “Luna? Anya? You guys there?”

“Lexa?” Clarke asks, finding the dressing room the woman was in.

“Clarke?” Lexa ask, tentatively. “Is Anya or Luna there?”

“No. Everyone is still looking at dresses but I’m here.” Clarke informs. She’s nervous as she speaks. ”Whats up?”

Lexa shifts her weight between her feet as she bites her lips, pondering if she should ask the woman for help. She tries to zip her dress up one last time but huffs out in annoyance as her arms fail to reach one more time. “Yeah uh…” She states, trying to relax as she spoke. “This dress. It’s being stupid.” She concludes.

“Is it too big? Too small?” Clarke ask. “If you can take it off and hand it to me I can get it in another size.”

“No. Well, actually I don’t know.” Lexa says, sighing. She knows she’s not explaining herself. “It’s the zipper.” She finally says. “I can’t reach it.”

“Oh.” Clarke responds. She’s quiet for a few more seconds until her eyes bulge in understanding. “Oh.” She repeats, this time way more nervous.

“Yeah.” Lexa mutters from the other side of the door.

“Well, I can come in and uh help you with that.” Clarke tells her.

“Right.” Lexa says. “Okay, thanks.” 

Clarke nods although Lexa can’t see her. She takes in a shaky breath as she opens the door. She can’t. A quiet laugh surpasses her lips as a grin forms on her face. “You’ll need to unlock the door if you’re gonna let me in.”

“Oh.” Lexa says. “Right.” Clarke sees her cheeks blush as she opens the door.

“Hi.” Clarke says.

“Hi.” Lexa responds, looking at the floor.

Clarke looks around, nervously looking around the cramped room. “Should I just…”

“Yeah.” Lexa says, turning around so Clarke could have access to her back.

She doesn’t know if it’s the swiftness of Lexa’s movement or the proximity of their bodies but Clarke finds herself breathing in Lexa scent. She shakes her head, turning her attention to the zipper. She tries to avoid the thought of touching the exposed skin, knowing how soft it really was. She breathes in through her nose as she starts to zip her up but fails half way up. “Sorry it’s…” She stops talking, trying to zip it up one more time but failing. “Can I touch you?” Clarke asks.

Lexa is taking slow, labored breaths. The dressing room is very small. She can feel Clarke’s breathing against her neck. She tries controlling herself but it’s all becoming a bit much. She nods, giving her the okay while trying to prepare herself for Clarke’s hands on her again.

Clarke rests a hand on Lexa’s waist, clutching a bit harsh as she uses the other hand to zip it up the last bit. And just like that, the hand is gone. Lexa frowns, almost missing the touch when Clarke speaks. “All done.” She says, stepping back with an awkward smile.

Lexa turns to her, watching as Clarke looks her up and down. The smile on her face transitioning from awkward to genuine. “You look beautiful.”

Lexa looks down, heart thumping as she says, “About the other night-“

“You were very clear.” Clarke finishes for her, looking up and around the small room suddenly unable to make eye contact. “I’m sorry I made you do something you swore you’d never do. I know how hard Kim and Travis’ divorce was on you.”

Lexa looks down, her eyes fluttering as she swallowed hard. “You didn’t make me do anything. I had wanted to and I have to live with that now.” 

“Still.” Clarke says, reaching for Lexa’s hand, her eyes watering. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

As tears begin to slip, Lexa begins to feel responsible. “No, Clarke, no.” She tells her, pulling her close as she embraces her. Clarke wraps her arms around her waist as Lexa let’s go, grabbing her face.

“I never felt meant to hurt you like this. Hurt any of them. Bellamy, Mercedes, Madi,” she says, feeling completely awful at the thought of her daughter finding out. “They deserve so much better. And we betrayed them all because it took me ten years of having you out of my life for me to realize my feelings for you.”

“Clarke.” Lexa says, looking her in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t have these feelings.” Clarke states, shaking her head. “I’m engaged, Lexa. I can’t have you.” She cries.

Lexa feels as if there’s been a knife that’s just been jabbed in her gut. It’s a god-awful pain that hurts so that she can barely breathe, yet she feels the need to comfort Clarke. “Shhh.” She says, pulling Clarke close once again.

Clarke shakes in the embrace but strong arms soon calm her as Lexa whispers sweet nothing in her ear in attempt to soothe her. “I’m sorry. For crying. Everything really.”

“Don’t speak.” Lexa tells her, moving the hair away from her ear. “Don’t think just… give me a minute. Just a minute.” She begs, not caring how desperate she sounded. She didn’t mind being vulnerable with Clarke anymore. “Let me hold you. Let me have this.”

And Clarke does. With quick nod she pulls closer, tugging at Lexa’s dress. They stay together, breathing in sync when Lexa feels more tears hit her neck. Clarke was still crying. 

Lexa moves, grabbing Clarke’s face as she pulls away. She moves to her cheek, making her way up as she leaves a trail of opened mouthed kisses where her tears once were. Clarke gasps, leaning into her touch. She feels her quiver. Lexa doesn’t know if it’s because of her touch or the sobs. “I don’t want to be the reason you cry anymore.” She whispers against her lips. Clarke meets her gaze after she catches her eyeing her lips. With one quick surgence Clarke connects them, moving against Lexa, allowing all her gasps and tears to be swallowed by the one woman who could both hurt and heal her.

It was a slow-burning, intimate kiss. The salt tingled on Lexa’s lips until they no longer did, quickly dissolving and transitioning into an almost sweet, milk and honey taste. It’s deep and caring. Clarke had no doubt in whether or not her feelings were mutual. She felt it. She simply knew. And that was the scariest part. Lexa seemed to catch on. She delicately brought the kiss to a stop and pressed one last kiss to Clarke’s forehead with a sigh. “You should go.”

It takes the blonde a second to process the words spoken to her, her thoughts still on the kiss they just shared. She snaps out of it, nodding as she opens the door. “Okay,” she says, making her way out. She was about to close it when she opened it again. “Oh, and Lexa?” She asks. “Pick that dress.”

And that’s how the day went. It took them the rest of the evening but soon enough, everyone had picked out their dress. Everyone had made their purchase and sat down in a separate section, waiting for Clarke to appear in her mother’s wedding dress.

“She’s gonna look gorgeous!” Madi said, kicking her legs back and forth as she waited expectantly with the rest of the women. “Like a princess, just like daddy calls her.”

Octavia smiles, pinching her nieces nose, causing the child to giggle. 

“She’s too cute.” Luna whispers, leaning into Raven side.

“You’re cuter.” Raven remarks, giving Luna a peck on the cheek.

Luna looks over, seeing her cousin Anya pointing a finger to her tongue, pretending to puke. Lexa snickers next to her but soon stops, watching Clarke emerge from the fitting room. Abby and Niylah were right behind her, but no one was looking at them.

“So?” Clarke asks, looking at the women around her. “Thoughts?”

“Damn girl! Looking sexy and classy!” Raven says, being the first to speak. 

Madi laughs, covering her face with her hands as her cheeks blush, knowing her godmother was always the type to cuss at the most random of times. “You look more beautiful than a princess. You look like a queen!” She tells her mom.

“You really do, Clarke.” Octavia says. “My brother’s a lucky man.”

The group goes along saying a few more compliments, everyone but Lexa has something to say. It isn’t until Raven looks over at her that the secret comes out. 

“Lexa, are you crying?”

Everyone looks over at Lexa who was quietly sitting in the back, wiping away her tears. “Lexa’s crying.” She teases, earning herself a jab in the gut from Luna who gives her a disapproving look.

“Shut up.” Lexa remarks, looking down at the floor in attempt to ignore the looks she knew still remained on her.

“Come on now. They’ve been friends since they were kids. It’s normal that she gets a little emotional.” Anya states, in attempt to get people off her sister’s case.

“I think it’s sweet.” Niylah states. “Endearing actually.”

Lexa looks up, meeting Clarke’s gaze as the woman simply gives her an understanding smile. She then looks away, looking at the rest of her bridesmaids as she speaks. “This isn’t the finished product.” She states clarifying as she then glances over at Abby. “With mom’s permission, the stylist has agreed to do a few alterations to accommodate my figure and make it look a little more… mine.” She smiles looking back at her bridesmaids. “So I’ll be back in a few weeks to try it on one last time make some last minute arrangements and/or bring it home.”

“Sounds good.” Raven says. 

Clarke gives them one last smile before she looks back at Lexa who isn’t looking at her anymore. Her smile falters as she turns around turning around and heading back to the fitting room.

“It’ll get easier.” Anya whispers to her.

“Will it?” Lexa asks bitterly but Anya doesn’t respond. She stands up, addressing the group. “I’m sorry, I got a text from Aden saying he’s done getting his suit. I have to go pick him up.” She says, barely waiting for everyone to say their goodbyes as she walks out. On her way to her car, she types out a quick text.

To Sadie:  
Are you home? We need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my other story This Is Politics. It’s a Clexa arranges marriage UA I think you guys should check out. 
> 
> Thanks for the hits, bookmarks, kudos and comments. I love each and every one of you ❤️
> 
> QOTD: How will Mercedes respond to that loaded text?


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